2016 was probably one of the hardest years I’ve ever had. I had a lot of changes come in my life and a lot of turmoil.

My oldest daughter finished her senior year of high school. But never it made it to her graduation day before leaving the state to live with my brother-in-law and his family. This was hard. I felt like she hated me. And like I was a failure or a suck ass mother. I mean it’s already hard when your kids grow up and don’t need you anymore. But for her to leave like she did was gut wrenching. BUT I am happy to report that in the last few months, we’ve had more contact. We’ve had some really great conversations and she sounds amazingly happy. Happy like I’ve never heard her before. She is so happy that she has booked a ticket to come down and visit us in a few weeks!!!

Then 2 weeks later, I lost my Grandaddy. My Grandaddy was 95 years old. And I know everyone will think well he lived a long life. I know that….but my heart still misses my crazy old man. He was a strong father figure for me. I treasure every memory that I have of the 34 years I had with him. He always made me laugh even when I was crying. We had a memorial for him and I froze when it was my turn to share a memory. I had so many that I didn’t even know where to start. I have to admit that I was angry after his death. Very angry. And I’m not sure why. I just…I don’t know always thought of him as immortal. Everlasting! But he lives on…in my brother and me. Hell, at the hospital while we were in the waiting room waiting for news, we were pushing buttons and cracking jokes and getting in trouble. Just like our Grandaddy would expect us too. As we said good-bye, we told him that we were going to be okay and that it was okay to go be with Grandmom. And to not worry we will give our mom hell just like he always did.

A few weeks later, my youngest daughter started having issues with her meds. She was mentally unstable for months. She was running away and having meltdowns that would last for days. She became overly obsessed with her friend. It was a living nightmare. I really didn’t think I was going to survive it. My family didn’t think I was going to survive. My mother in law thought I was going to have a nervous break down and my mom thought I was in danger of having a stroke one time. But great news, we have switched meds and things have been wonderful for the last 3 months. She is stable and much happy and peaceful than she had been in forever. She has also started school at an Autistic school and she is thriving. Never has she loved school as much as she does at Hope Learning Ranch. She even made honor roll and student of the month. She has never had that kind of praise in a regular education school. The school is a little bit of a drive everyday…. twice a day. But completely worth it to see her thrive.

Business was rough there for a while. We actually didn’t even know if we were going to be able to have a Christmas for our kids. But jobs started coming in and we finished the year strong. We had a lot of down periods but they came at times in our lives when our attention needed to be somewhere else.

On the homesteading front, we had a lot of lost. Every time we turned around we were losing a chicken to a disease. I realized that I hadn’t been putting in my most effort and was half assing their care. I went back to organic feed and back to my cleaning schedule like I use too. I ordered one last batch of chicks and I am happy to report that I have not lost one chicken since then. They are all thriving and doing fantastic. I also have my rainbow eggs like I always said I wanted!

So yes 2016 is a year I don’t wish to relive anytime soon.I may have even shed tears at midnight. Tears of relief that I made it. Tears of sadness for the ones who didn’t. And tears of happiness for what’s to come in the new year.   It was also a year of learning, growing and changing. And when you are Growing a large family….that is expected and even welcomed.

Happy new year!