Funny stories

Family Funny!

/ Jeanette / Leave a comment

I love my kids so much! They are joy of my life! I can’t imagine my life without them. But sometimes, there are moments, when I am shocked, worried and fearful of the things they do or things that come out of their mouth. Like the “please don’t tell people you are homeschooled” stuff!

I was telling my mom the weekly update on the kids. Moments of insanity, joy and craziness. And she said you need to blog this stuff. And my reply was “Mom, I don’t think anyone will believe me! I truly think they will think I am making it up. I will get hate mail on how I claim to be Non-fiction, but my stories are fake.”

So I am going to give it a try!

First up is Lil Man. As you all know, we lost 2 of our chickens. Well after the first one passed, there was a lot of dinner time discussion over what happened to be chicken dinner night. (the irony, right) My hubby being him said our chicken, nutmeg tasted good, to freak the kids out. Then the discussion turned to zombies (of course) and then about the zombie cat who was buried and then dug her way out of her grave.

Well the next morning, Big Bertha passed. We moved her out to the shed to let her pass out of kids view. Well about noon the kids and I went out to bury her because at 7 she was on her way out she must be dead by now. And hubby left for a job so I was on my own with this. We went out to get her and the cage to take to the back of the property. As we pulled the cage out of the shed, her eyes flew opened! And Dakota started running around in circles yelling “Zombie Chicken, Zombie Chicken!” And then asked if we should just hit her over the head like in The Walking Dead. SHEESH!!!!

Next is Bri. My youngest daughter who is special needs. We had an appointment about a month ago with a new psychiatrist. And until the last year, we really haven’t gotten any true diagnosis on what she is labeled as and what to expect. Well this doctor said something as far as job training centers and assisted living. Okay, so after Bri and I went to the grocery store and it was just her and me so I took the opportunity to discuss how this may affect her in the long run. I don’t want her to be okay with oh, I can’t because I’m different, but I also don’t want the future to be a shock to her. Plus her mind works at a much lower maturity level and she has language expression delays so I knew she didn’t understand the doctor. Well it takes about 24 hours for things to click for Bri and all of a sudden I found her in her room crying. I asked what’s wrong and she said I am not going to live very long. I was shocked and confused. Then she said you said that when we were going into the grocery store. At this point, I am trying not to laugh. I explained everything again. And then asked her how long she was in here crying about it and she said awhile. Then I really did LOL! And told her that if I had that kind of news to give her it wouldn’t be at a grocery store.

“Bri, we need to go to the store.”

“What do we need Mom?”

“We need milk, bread and by the way, aisle 3 sells caskets now and your going to need one soon.”

Luckily, humor is the diffuser for my SN child. And by this point, she realized how silly it was and was hysterically laughing. We both were!

I swear these are true stories!

If you want to see more blog post like this, leave a comment or click the like button! Believe me there is more where that came from, so many that I may have to start writing them down. SMH!

M.ADD~ Mom’s Attention Deficit Disorder

/ Jeanette / Leave a comment

Everyone has heard of Mommy Brain or Pregnancy brain. This is the common excuse for forgetfulness.

But by a certain point you really can’t use that excuse.

Like if you kid is 15, you can blame your forgetfulness on Mommy Brain or Pregnancy Brain because IT”S BEEN 15 YEARS.

But what you can blame it on is M.ADD~ Mom’s Attention Deficit Disorder. This is when we have so much going on and our to do list is as long as The Nile River that we begin to forget things.

Like let’s say your on Facebook and you see it’s your Uncle’s birthday. You think to yourself that Oh I need to wish him a Happy Birthday. BUT then the kids wake up and the phone rings and the dogs need to go out and the kids want breakfast and then there is a dirty diaper to change and your girls are pulling each other’s hair out over the bathroom. And then it is 3am and your in your quiet comfy bed when you sit straight up and realize you never went back to the computer to say Happy birthday.

I would have to say that every Mom suffers from this and it has come a time to put a name on it other than Mommy Brain.

M. ADD  just sounds perfect to me.

By the way the story told in this post was not exaggerated or made up by me but happens daily in the chaos of my life with 4 kids, 3 dogs, 2 old ladies (a cat & a Grandma) and 1 hubby (thank god, could you imagine me with 2?!?) SOOOOO…..

Happy Birthday Uncle Gary! LOL

When your words bite you in the butt

/ Jeanette / Leave a comment

This week I have heard my own words come out of my toddler’s mouth and hit me right in the face. The worse part is he is using them in the correct context.

First, Hubby and I were taking advantage of a few spare minutes, while dinner finished up, to cuddle in the recliner. My lil man looked over at me and said “Mommy, you sitting with Daddy?” I said “yup, I’m sitting with Daddy.” He looks my hubby right in the eyes and said “disgusting.”

Then when I was giving my lil man a ton of kisses, he yelled “Stop Mommy, your annoying.”

And then there was the time my youngest daughter was antagonizing her brother, he got so mad that he yelled “I’m tired of this!”

This weekend I thought my aunt was going to die laughing when she was trying to give my baby boy a hug and he looked at her with the look of sarcasm and said “Do you mind?”

These are all things say or have said.

And they have now come to bite me in the butt in the form of my precious two year old.

This is what happens when you wait 10 years between kids. You forget all the things your not suppose to say and do.

The price of cereal! Outrageous!!!

/ Jeanette / Leave a comment

Yesterday I decided that I wasn’t going to cook. We had leftovers and plenty of things to eat. We little did I know that my kids were going to devourer a brand new box of Frosted Flakes that I just bought yesterday morning!

1 box of cereal + 4 kids= EMPTY

That was $5 they just gobbled up in one meal! I was shocked!

Shocked that my kids eat like they haven’t had a meal all day!

Shocked that my $5 was gone so quickly!

Shocked that I spent $5 on ONE box of Frosted Flakes, which if you ask me is pure sugar!

When I was venting to hubby, he says well use coupons! Seriously did you just say that to me!!! I questioned his sanity at this point, since he tells everyone I am the coupon queen. If looks could kill, Hmph!

I then informed him that a coupon that says a dollar off of 2 or 3, which seems to be the new cereal trend, isn’t saving a whole lot at $5 a box!!!

Even with BOGO sales it is still expensive when a whole box is gone in ONE meal!

Then it made me question why are we buying $5 boxes of sugar? Why am I buying them if they eat it in one sitting? Because if I don’t then I have to listen to complaining! I personally HATE cereal, always have and always will. But my hubby and kids~ obsessed and will eat 3 times a day if I let them.

So that is why I chose to keep buying $5 boxes of sugar.

And will continue to complain when it last 5 seconds after hitting my front door.

And complain about the coupons sucking.

But the prices of cereal are still OUTRAGEOUS!!

 

Extreme parenting~not for me!

/ Jeanette / Leave a comment

I just got done reading People Magazine from a couple weeks ago. Ya know the one with Princess Kate on it. And there was an article about Extreme Parenting. We are know celebrities are known for the crazy baby names, their drunk antics, their break ups, make ups and break up again stories. And I have to admit it’s a guilty pleasure of mine (Did ya hear Brad and Angie are engaged?!) But this article terrified me.

First there is the video that went viral of Alicia Silverstone bird feeding her 11 month old baby. She chews all the food up and then spits it in his mouth. Does she not realize that nothing leaves the internet? So one day when he is in middle school (AKA the brutal years) some bully is going to google his mom’s name and there will be the video.

Then the next celeb on the list was Mayim Blaynik. She is from the 90’s show Blossom. She is a firm believer in attachment parenting, which is great don’t get me wrong. She is still breast feeding her 3 year old! The first thing that came to mind while reading this was the movie Jaws as the shark comes out of the water with the mouthful of huge teeth. Except it’s coming right at my boobs! Let me explain my view… I love breastfeeding. It was the one thing I wish I did longer with Kodabear. But once the baby turns a year old that is my personal limit. But 3 yrs old! I can barely get my 2 1/2 year old to stay still long enough to change his diaper. Again though has she thought about the ridicule this boy will endure when people google his mom’s name!

Now this next one is the most disgusting in my opinion. January Jones stars on Mad Men, but I think it should be retitled as Mad Woman. After giving birth to her baby, she felt what all of us new moms feel tired, worn out, exhausted, emotionally drained. Us non-rich, non-celebs pull up our big girl panties and DEAL! But January (love her name!) decided to spend the extra money and get pills made from her dehydrated placenta! EWWWW! That thing was in me for 9 months trading nutrients for fetal poo! I don’t want to willing ingest it! I will stick to my 5hour energy drink or better yet coffee and soda!

My point is as parents we are our child’s nemesis when they hit about 12. We are uncool and stupid. We are also SOOOOOO embarrassing (with an eye roll). SO why, why, why on Earth would these celebrities put their child through more teasing and bullying.

By the way~ if I was a celebrity…

I would name my child Rose Moscato after my favorite wine, even if it was a boy! Take that Hollywood!

 

A glimpse at my life

/ Jeanette / Leave a comment

Welcome to my wonderful, crazy life! Let me show you!

This is my wonderful hubby striking a pose. He does this all the time during pictures!

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is what happens when you give a homeschool kid a week off. They become bored and do crazy things. Not sure if the picture shows it well but she wrapped string through things and under things around her whole room. She wanted to know what a spider feels like. This is her embarrassed look because Mom is taking a picture.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The stare down between a girl and her pup!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now for those of you that have owned a Great Dane you know they are not the brightest crayon in the pack! No? Oh well it’s just mine then! Here’s is our dog Duece re-enacting the movie Shrek.

 

 

 

 

 

Finding out his family was captured….

 

 

 

 

 

He is devastated!

 

 

 

 

 

 

He vows to find them…..

and takes off after them!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 He sees them! HOORAY!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

More to come later……

Sunday Mornings

/ Jeanette / Leave a comment

AHHH Sunday Mornings! A time for peace and quiet. Some may go to church. Some may relax at home. Around here I like to catch up with my DVR and clip coupons.

But on this particular Sunday I spent my morning running around my yard chasing a rooster!

Hubby was leaving for work when he saw the rooster around the front of the gate. I jokingly said let him in; he can be our first chicken. And hubby did! Then I asked when the rooster made himself at home; how do we get him out? Hubby tells Cailin to go chase after him. Well we know that is not going to happen because Cailin is our little chicken of the sea. So I said I would do it. I ran around behind this rooster for 10 minutes trying to corral him back out the gate when hubby says OK I have to go work but make sure you get the chicken out. If looks could kill I tell ya that man would be a dead one!

By the way Koda was cracking up at the rooster and us running behind it. He thought it was the craziest thing!

So I opened every gate in the yard and tried for another 30 minutes to get him to go out one of them. Then I almost had him out the back gate when he turned and did this ninja kick with the wings flapping and I took off the opposite way and thought oh heck no!

I decided he could stay after that. I figured he would leave eventually. And I decided I needed some high fat football food for the Super Bowl. The girls called when I was at the store to tell me our neighbor came and got him. And that he used a net! Go figure!

But I have learned a very valuable lesson.

1) No Roosters! They will try to rule the roost! HAHA

2) Get my chickens as young as possible so they will be nice and docile.

3) Own a net!

By the way here is the culprit of the morning chaos.

Are you just having one of those days?

/ Jeanette / Leave a comment

Well I am having one of those days my entire life! My mom’s side of the family (long story) sees these as moments for them to make me the butt of the joke. But I look at as living my life. What if I did everything exactly as everyone else. Wouldn’t I be boring then? So I say it is what makes me unique or special.

Like the time I decided to pop popcorn in a pot instead of buying microwave. I decided that it would be neat for my kids to watch the popcorn pop. Now just for a moment take in the word POPcorn. Well there was a mess everywhere, but the kids got a great laugh and my cocker spaniel had a yummy treat.

Then there is the time where I was wearing a necklace with my grandpa’s ashes in it. Sitting in the car, waiting for hubby to get done pumping gas, when I felt something land in my lap. My first thought was that he threw something at me and was getting ready to yell at him, but decided to look down. HMMM what’s all this white stuff on my black shirt? Then saw the locket in my lap. I freaked at first and then I stopped and laughed and said very funny Grandpa because this is something he would have done.

OR the time I decided to walk back to my pond to feed the fish and turtle. Just walked up to the pond (this was when we first moved out to country from the city) when I hear rustling in the grass and up the tree. Look over to my right and a huge green iguana is sitting in a tree! I mean who has an iguana living in her back 40? That would be me! Though I think I scared him to death because he has never been seen again.

Then there was that time that hubby and I were clearing our property. This was my first encounter with country life. We were trying to get it ready for building. And I was clip trees while he was cutting grass. I went up to the banana tree started clipping, had a bad feeling, stopped clipping, looked up at the tree and saw the whole thing shaking!!! Lets just say I out ran my hubby who was on the riding mower and that tree was immediately removed from the property.

The latest it could only happen to me moment was when my oldest was assigned her bus stop for the new school year. Hubby and I drove by and saw that it was in front of a very bad neighborhood. Hubby went up to the school demanded a new stop. We went by the new stop and hubby says “this is much better”. I just look at him and say “really?!” It’s in a cemetery! So everyday I enjoy reading tombstones, wondering who these people were in their lives, oh yeah, and listening to my youngest daughter panic that they are going to reach up and get her.

The trials, tribulations and hysterical laugh fest I have living my life. Bet those family members don’t have as much fun living as I do. Who’s laughing now? OH yeah I am, uh huh I am! (crazy dork dance happening right now)

Jeanette