The Wednesday before Christmas I was watching some TV with my daughter when my Lil man came up complaining about his back hurting and asked if I would rub it. As I was rubbing his back I felt a huge lump. It wasn’t there before and was about the size of a golf ball. I asked if he bumped it but he said no. I secretly started to panic thinking of all the things it could and everything was the worse possible scenario. I made a doctor appointment and took him in the next day. The doctor was puzzled too. So she sent us for an xray. I kept calling about the results and driving the nurses crazy. By Monday I was livid and wanted answers. I had barely slept in 4 days and kept thinking this could be the last Christmas together. I know that is crazy for my mind to go there but I always feel like I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. Finally around 1:30pm Monday I got a voicemail from the doctor. Everything looked normal! Now here we are a week later from when I discovered the lump it has almost completely disappeared. I feel stupid for panicking but I would have felt worse if it turned out to be the worse case scenario and I brushed it off.
But, in a way, I am very thankful that this happened. It opened my eyes to how fast your life can change and everything can be taken away from you. I feel like life has been going by so fast that I haven’t really enjoyed it. Or took time for the little things. This whole thing made me take a deep breath and relax. I feel like I am always planning. Planning a grocery trip, planning menus, planning homeschool for next week, month and year. I am always trying to get ahead instead of just stopping and enjoying what is now!
And on top of that it made me realized that tomorrow is not a guarantee. There are so many things that I always say I want to do but then never get around to doing. I always say oh maybe next year. But between being busy and my anxiety, it has prevented me from doing so much.
YOLO~ you only live once~ my new life motto.
2014 is going to be the year of enjoying the little things and seeing and doing the things I always say we would do.