family

If only I was a more organized mom

/ Jeanette / Leave a comment

I feel like I have a lot of missed opportunities when it comes to my kids. And sometimes (ok A LOT of times) I think if I was more organized then I wouldn’t miss them so much. I feel like we miss out on a lot of the fun aspects of homeschooling because I am so focus on finishing the books and saying we did it. I am definitely missing out on things with my son because of being so focused on the girls and not having a plan of attack. Sometimes he will ask to do school and then I have to scramble. And to me that sucks! I feel like it is half ass done then.

I also feel like if I was more organized then we could do the experiments and the art that my kids thrive on. We could take the field trips that they drive me crazy about.

For example, this past Monday I thought I was having oral surgery done. And I had nothing planned for the kids to work on while I was recovering. I had barely any menu planned that wasn’t microwavable and processed. I felt terrible. Luckily the surgery didn’t happen and I am feel to live about my life without stitches in my mouth and with yummy solid food in my belly. But then yesterday, reality hit that I have no meal plan, no grocery list made, no homeschool plan, coupons from the last month that needs organizing and a huge TO DO pile that has deadlines.

So I am determined to get more organized this year (what’s left of it). I want to make my life easier. I want to have time to myself because right now all I do is cook, clean and try to get organize. I have no hobby or anything for me. And I realized that I need that, no crave that me time.

First things first, the present task at hand. We have to eat, so bring on the meal plan. I usually try to make a months worth of menus but decided a week was good considering everything going on.

Then grocery list!

Homeschool plan is very vague and non detailed but gives me an idea of what to accomplish so done there.

Work on coupons with the kids.

And I want my To Do list done by Friday.

So that leaves the weekend open to think of more ways to organize and make my world simpler.

The phone call no parent (or in this case, sister) ever wants to get

/ Jeanette / 1 Comment

I have the best baby brother in the world. He truly is like one of my kids to me. I was 13 when he was born and I just took over as a little momma hen from the moment he arrived. I taught him to show respect to adults. I also taught him that out of everyone I am the one to fear when misbehaving because I am the one who expects the most from him. I just knew he was destined for greatness and I pushed him to show that.

Now flash forward 18 years, he is a senior and has his whole life ahead of him with a bright future. He is learning to drive and be an adult and everything that means.

About a month and a half ago, my mom called around 5pm. Which was unusual and I knew something was wrong. First thing out of her mouth was Brandon and 2 of his friends had been in a car accident and he was driving. She sounded calm but I was an instant mess and I was driving at the time. Thank god for my back country roads with no traffic! Not trusting anything my mom says sometimes, I was yelling is he ok. Do you physically see him in front of you and he is ok? Then she was like Oh my god, the cars are totaled. And I am trying to judge how fast I can make it from my little city to the big city at quitting time. But she assured me that he was ok. So luckily I was 5 minutes from home when this phone call came in. I was shaking and had a ton of questions.

So a couple hours later, I needed to hear from him that he was okay. And I was overjoyed when I heard his voice on the other line. I even had my cousin go check on him the next day since they both go to the same school.

Needless to say, Brandon was very worried about the other driver and took responsibility like a man. He worried about the financial aspects of it since my brother decided a 2012 Lexus was the perfect match for his 2000 Chevy Malibu. Would he owe on what his insurance didn’t cover? But listening to him fret over real world stuff made me both proud and heartbroken.

Proud because I feel like he is the man I wanted and knew he could and would become. And heartbroken because I don’t have that smarty pants little baby brother who thought it would be fun to run into a wall to see what a fly felt like.

Graduation will be in a month and then he is off to boot camp for the National Guard for about 9 months. 9 very long months without my first baby boy!

Monster Jam 2013

/ Jeanette / Leave a comment

For Christmas, Hubby got the family tickets to Monser Jam. As many of you know I was fighting some kind of depression/anxiety so the idea of going out into a HUGE crowd was a little nerve racking. But I got to say that I think this was a massive turning point. But more on that later. On to the fun….

Lucky for us, Hubby got some amazing seats. We were covered over head in case any Florida snow (rain) popped up and had a view of everything. Plus we were by the really nice food stands and the really nice bathrooms. Which was wonderful because with 4 kids, I think I spent 75% of the time in there.

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A slap in the face…

/ Jeanette / Leave a comment

So I had all these wonderful, light hearted and funny posts on how our life has been the last month or so. And I will still post those this week. But I really need to vent and get this off of my chest!

Anyone who reads all my post knows I am a huge fan of the blog Rockstar Ronan. I honestly fell in awe of everything Maya is doing to help bring awareness and keep Ronan’s death from being in vain. I have voted, I have begged on my facebook pages for votes, I have bought T-shirts and bracelets. I have to admit I became a little bit obsessed.

But never did I imagine that last week my oldest daughter would be reading to me, from her facebook page, that one of her good friends has Neuroblastoma!

Here is what happened. Two weeks ago she said she heard through the grapevine that he had a tumor in his lungs. Then the next day it was lung cancer. But nothing was confirmed by him so I didn’t give it much thought. Plus they go to different high schools so who knows what is going on.

Then last week she was reading to me from the kitchen while I am in the living room and all I heard was Neuroblastoma. Let’s say I have never moved that fast before at night after the lil one has gone to bed. I kept calm and I didn’t tell her that is what Ronan had. She always questioned my shirts and bracelets and I briefly tell her but not in detail. But I just didn’t know what to say. I was in shock!

I never imagined it would be that close to my family. I mean this boy is a really good friend of my daughters; they even tried the whole dating thing but it was too awkward.

I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news and be like there is no cure or he will probably die. But I don’t want to ignore it and pretend it will go away. I have always tried to shelter my kids from hurt and pain. Probably the worse thing for me to do but I tried to make everything stress-free. They will get enough of that when they enter the world.

But now I am not sure what to do……..

These last couple of years have been full of death…

A grandpa, a cousin, our pediatrician (like family), a family friend (just last month) and now possibly an innocent teenager who hasn’t lived his life to his fullest.

How cruel this world can be!

Hello 2013!

/ Jeanette / Leave a comment

After a much needed break, I am back and ready to blog! And I am definitely ready for a new year and a new me.

2013 is going to be awesome! Well because I said so!

I am taking control of me, my life and my anxiety. That is my biggest 2013 resolution.

During the break, I felt fantastic. I had a few moments of relapse. And a particularly bad day on New Year’s. But I made it through and realized that I can’t and won’t live like this. It’s not living and when you stop living that is when your physical and mental health start to go downhill. And I won’t let that happen. I am only 31!!!

And on that note I had a birthday over the break. I actually went out shopping and to dinner 2 days in a row for my birthday. I was so proud! I do notice I have less anxiety going out when I’m with my husband. Maybe he is like a security blanket for me right now. Unfortunately he is also a very busy man so I can’t expect him to be there with me for every errand. Baby steps, but I will get there.

So look out 2013!

Getting some perspective

/ Jeanette / Leave a comment

Last week I was having a terrible week. I was depressed and stressed out. I was frustrated with the kids behavior and attitude. I was in a really bad mood where everything would just annoy me and throw me into a fit. I admit it was awful.

Then one grumpy 4:30 morning, I was sitting at my computer reading the news annoyed that I have to get up so early and the oldest doesn’t appreciate it, always saying I need or want instead of Hi, how are you, when I came across an article about the mom of the person Taylor Swift’s new song is about.

At the Stand up 2 Cancer concert, Taylor Swift performed a song she wrote called Ronan. Amazing song by itself! But when you research and find the whole meaning it is beyond amazing. Ronan was this beautiful little boy with the brightest, blue eyes, I have ever seen. He passed away from pediatric cancer. He was only around my son’s age, 3 or 4 years old. After reading his mom’s blog, I cried and cried. Then I found the video on YouTube of Taylor’s performance. And I cried some more.

I needed to read and see and hear this. I needed to know that my life could always be worse. I needed to know that it wasn’t the end of the world when my kids destroy my house in 5 minutes flat. Or if they are all melting down and screaming at each other. I needed to know that it will be alright if you send someone to the store for a tub of butter and they come home with stick butter. It’s okay if your spread too thin and don’t have time to cook everything from scratch. Because I need to cherish what I have and find the good in everyday because tomorrow is not guaranteed. I needed to find some perspective. And find it I did!

Though I know I will still be annoyed with my kids and still want to scream sometimes. And though I know my husband will pissed me off by acting liking a man. And groceries will not be anyone else’s job but mine. I will TRY to remember to cherish what I have and what other people are going through. And to always see the glass half full.

If you want to read more about Ronan or his mom Maya, check out her blog Rockstar Ronan.