I had all these light hearted, funny blog post ready to go last week and then I just couldn’t. The news that I have been dreading for months now finally came true. My oldest daughter came home shattered because her friend who is fighting neuroblastoma is terminal. My first post can be read here. I knew it would come to this but I hoped and prayed that his future would be different than all of those before him.
I was already stressed out because my grandmother was in a car accident and I was awaiting her and the tow trucks arrival. But when I looked up and heard the single word Mommy, which she hasn’t called me in forever. I knew it wasn’t good. She cried and I held her. Later in the day, I explained that childhood cancer is what my Rockstar Ronan shirt stood for and I handed her some bracelets to pass out in support of the charity. I told her it sucks and it’s not fair, but that life will go on and that you need to honor him in some way. And I did that whole supportive mom thing but you know what it’s BULL SPIT!
These kids should not be dying with no known treatment, cure or even recognition of the disease. I can tell you that before Taylor Swift made a song and I read a blog, I had no idea that this many kids were dying from a disease that only adults get. I had blinders on. And it is sad. We have a huge to do for breast cancer which no child should lose their mom at a young age, but what about the kids who don’t have a chance to even live. If I had to choose between me getting cancer and my child getting cancer, sign me up. I have lived enough to be satisfied but these don’t have a chance from the minute of diagnosis.
All myself and thousands of other parents want is for there to be some awareness and some funding for future research.
Please check out Maya’s blog Rockstar Ronan. She is fighting with all her might to move mountains and get the funds that is needed to save these kids.
And if you can’t afford to financially help by spreading the word, wearing gold (childhood cancer color) or writing a blog post.
So I had all these wonderful, light hearted and funny posts on how our life has been the last month or so. And I will still post those this week. But I really need to vent and get this off of my chest!
Anyone who reads all my post knows I am a huge fan of the blog Rockstar Ronan. I honestly fell in awe of everything Maya is doing to help bring awareness and keep Ronan’s death from being in vain. I have voted, I have begged on my facebook pages for votes, I have bought T-shirts and bracelets. I have to admit I became a little bit obsessed.
But never did I imagine that last week my oldest daughter would be reading to me, from her facebook page, that one of her good friends has Neuroblastoma!
Here is what happened. Two weeks ago she said she heard through the grapevine that he had a tumor in his lungs. Then the next day it was lung cancer. But nothing was confirmed by him so I didn’t give it much thought. Plus they go to different high schools so who knows what is going on.
Then last week she was reading to me from the kitchen while I am in the living room and all I heard was Neuroblastoma. Let’s say I have never moved that fast before at night after the lil one has gone to bed. I kept calm and I didn’t tell her that is what Ronan had. She always questioned my shirts and bracelets and I briefly tell her but not in detail. But I just didn’t know what to say. I was in shock!
I never imagined it would be that close to my family. I mean this boy is a really good friend of my daughters; they even tried the whole dating thing but it was too awkward.
I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news and be like there is no cure or he will probably die. But I don’t want to ignore it and pretend it will go away. I have always tried to shelter my kids from hurt and pain. Probably the worse thing for me to do but I tried to make everything stress-free. They will get enough of that when they enter the world.
But now I am not sure what to do……..
These last couple of years have been full of death…
A grandpa, a cousin, our pediatrician (like family), a family friend (just last month) and now possibly an innocent teenager who hasn’t lived his life to his fullest.
How cruel this world can be!
Last week I was having a terrible week. I was depressed and stressed out. I was frustrated with the kids behavior and attitude. I was in a really bad mood where everything would just annoy me and throw me into a fit. I admit it was awful.
Then one grumpy 4:30 morning, I was sitting at my computer reading the news annoyed that I have to get up so early and the oldest doesn’t appreciate it, always saying I need or want instead of Hi, how are you, when I came across an article about the mom of the person Taylor Swift’s new song is about.
At the Stand up 2 Cancer concert, Taylor Swift performed a song she wrote called Ronan. Amazing song by itself! But when you research and find the whole meaning it is beyond amazing. Ronan was this beautiful little boy with the brightest, blue eyes, I have ever seen. He passed away from pediatric cancer. He was only around my son’s age, 3 or 4 years old. After reading his mom’s blog, I cried and cried. Then I found the video on YouTube of Taylor’s performance. And I cried some more.
I needed to read and see and hear this. I needed to know that my life could always be worse. I needed to know that it wasn’t the end of the world when my kids destroy my house in 5 minutes flat. Or if they are all melting down and screaming at each other. I needed to know that it will be alright if you send someone to the store for a tub of butter and they come home with stick butter. It’s okay if your spread too thin and don’t have time to cook everything from scratch. Because I need to cherish what I have and find the good in everyday because tomorrow is not guaranteed. I needed to find some perspective. And find it I did!
Though I know I will still be annoyed with my kids and still want to scream sometimes. And though I know my husband will pissed me off by acting liking a man. And groceries will not be anyone else’s job but mine. I will TRY to remember to cherish what I have and what other people are going through. And to always see the glass half full.
If you want to read more about Ronan or his mom Maya, check out her blog Rockstar Ronan.