Tag Archive | depression

Homeschooling after vacation

Apparently, my kids took our Spring Break as the beginning of summer. We have had a really, REALLY hard time getting back on a routine. The first week home we did some review because I knew we had testing coming up the following week. Plus an unexpected (but welcomed) house guest stayed with us for a few days. So after life got settled down, I thought it will be easy to knock out the next 2 months. We are refreshed and ready to go….or not. Everytime we sat at our table for school time, I dreaded it. I wanted to be doing other things, crafts, science projects and more, not sitting at the table giving another spelling test or reviewing the same concept of a sentence for my special needs child for the millionth time. I love homeschooling, it’s one of my passions, but I was hating it at the same time. Turns out I have Homeschool Burn Out. I don’t know how many times I threatened to send the kids back to school because I was over it. All I wanted to do was throw out our books!

Guess what? I did just that!

We are doing fun learning! Something I call school for Dakota because he “hates” school and it’s boring. I now do for all 3. We put all books away except for our Math. I sat down with my computer and tablet and made lessons plans based on what we are learning and using hands on activities, including lapbooking and notebooking.

Before this happened, I read a few articles online about Homeschool Burn Out, but never really took it seriously. Believe me, it is a serious condition! If I hadn’t taken action, I may have put my kids back in public school. For my kids (not all) that would have been very damaging. Plus I am not sure what I would have done with my day. I am glad something in my mind clicked and said research this. And when I read all the symptoms: depression, not wanting to do school, threatening to put kids in school, tired and irritability. I knew this is what I was fighting. Thankfully, I saw what me and the kids didn’t want to do and changed to the items we were craving, using our creativity!

It’s only been 3 days since I threw out the books, but it has felt so refreshing to be free. I am beginning to see that play really is the best education you can give a child. And I am focused more on doing than filling out a worksheet.

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Welcome 2014!

Oh how I have looked forward to you! So many things are going to happen this year.

My hubby turns 40. We celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary. We have been together 12 years. Our children will turn 17, 15, 15 and 5.

But other than that I look forward to the life I am ready to live. I have spent way too much time putting things off and now I am going to do it! 

I am looking forward to blogging more because I feel like I have finally found something I love.

I am determine to take photography classes to go along with that fancy camera I got so many months ago.

I want to homeschool in a way that I see my kids love learning and flourish.

I want to get and feel healthy. I am tired of being tired and not feeling like a 32 year old.

Also I want to grow our family!

But mostly I just want to be present in my kids lives and live like it’s our last moment on Earth. As you know I have fought depression in the past and though I did good this last year, I feel like in the new year I can be even better. And after a health scare with my son, it just jump started that feel to make the most of what you are given.

So I hope all of you the best in 2014. I hope you reach your goals and I hope you will follow me on this crazy journey I call life.

 

 

Hello 2013!

After a much needed break, I am back and ready to blog! And I am definitely ready for a new year and a new me.

2013 is going to be awesome! Well because I said so!

I am taking control of me, my life and my anxiety. That is my biggest 2013 resolution.

During the break, I felt fantastic. I had a few moments of relapse. And a particularly bad day on New Year’s. But I made it through and realized that I can’t and won’t live like this. It’s not living and when you stop living that is when your physical and mental health start to go downhill. And I won’t let that happen. I am only 31!!!

And on that note I had a birthday over the break. I actually went out shopping and to dinner 2 days in a row for my birthday. I was so proud! I do notice I have less anxiety going out when I’m with my husband. Maybe he is like a security blanket for me right now. Unfortunately he is also a very busy man so I can’t expect him to be there with me for every errand. Baby steps, but I will get there.

So look out 2013!

Night of the Living Dead

Hello Everyone,

It’s been a long time since I posted on here and I missed some AMAZING opportunities in our lives over the last few months. My reason was I wasn’t here. Mentally or Emotionally. Only my physical self was here. I didn’t realize it but I was fighting depression and anxiety. I see it now. I had all the symptoms.

Lack of Motivation

Loss of appetite

Feeling of sadness

Fatigue

Yup that was me! And then I had this anxiety that I didn’t want to leave the house. The thought literally made me feel like I was drowning. I always made excuses about why I couldn’t go do this or that. Looking back it was ridiculous. But I couldn’t help it.

No one knew what was going on until one day, I told my hubby that I wasn’t myself and something was wrong. Step 1 admitting a problem~check.

I spent days telling myself I wanted to feel normal. I kept willing, begging and praying to feel normal again. I just wanted to be me again. So why couldn’t I? And how did I get to this point?

Well I think it was just my year from hell finally came crashing down on me and reality sank in.

My grandpa is gone.

My mom and I will never be the same.

My cousin died of Esphogial cancer.

HELL~ even my kids Pediatrician who was my doctor died.

I realized my childhood was a ball of lies.

My daughters are growing and one is in high school (I think that was icing on the cake)!

Ever since she started high school, it kept getting worse and worse. I became obsessive about homeschooling. It felt like the last normal part of me. And I made it consume 150% of my life.

Last straw was 2 weeks ago. I had my whole little family here including my brother. And I started sinking. It literally came out of nowhere. My brother and husband noticed it. And hubby finally convinced me to take something for it. It helped! I only took 1/2 a pill but it immediately helped.

I was so reluctant. I didn’t want too. I didn’t think I needed it. But I did and I see that now through clear eyes.

I have my life back after 1/2 a pill. I haven’t taken another one since. I don’t know if I was ready enough that all I needed was a little boost. But I feel like Jeanette again.

And I am SOOOO appreciating it to the point of being corny. But I notice the colors of the sky, grass and streams. I see everything clearly. And I love it!

But at the same time, I missed so much. And that I will never get back.

So that is why I am taking the rest of the year off. I am going to enjoy the moments and live! I am going to enjoy my family. And I will be back in the New Year. I need this and my family deserves this.

But one last thing~If you are reading this and saying I feel the same way. Please, PLEASE seek help. Mine start by vocalizing to my hubby and reaching out. Tell a friend or seek professional help on your own. It is nothing to be ashamed of and you will feel so much better once you do. You can start living again.

And to any friends and family that read this and go I had no idea. Well I am an awesome actress and should be given an Oscar.

 

Getting some perspective

Last week I was having a terrible week. I was depressed and stressed out. I was frustrated with the kids behavior and attitude. I was in a really bad mood where everything would just annoy me and throw me into a fit. I admit it was awful.

Then one grumpy 4:30 morning, I was sitting at my computer reading the news annoyed that I have to get up so early and the oldest doesn’t appreciate it, always saying I need or want instead of Hi, how are you, when I came across an article about the mom of the person Taylor Swift’s new song is about.

At the Stand up 2 Cancer concert, Taylor Swift performed a song she wrote called Ronan. Amazing song by itself! But when you research and find the whole meaning it is beyond amazing. Ronan was this beautiful little boy with the brightest, blue eyes, I have ever seen. He passed away from pediatric cancer. He was only around my son’s age, 3 or 4 years old. After reading his mom’s blog, I cried and cried. Then I found the video on YouTube of Taylor’s performance. And I cried some more.

I needed to read and see and hear this. I needed to know that my life could always be worse. I needed to know that it wasn’t the end of the world when my kids destroy my house in 5 minutes flat. Or if they are all melting down and screaming at each other. I needed to know that it will be alright if you send someone to the store for a tub of butter and they come home with stick butter. It’s okay if your spread too thin and don’t have time to cook everything from scratch. Because I need to cherish what I have and find the good in everyday because tomorrow is not guaranteed. I needed to find some perspective. And find it I did!

Though I know I will still be annoyed with my kids and still want to scream sometimes. And though I know my husband will pissed me off by acting liking a man. And groceries will not be anyone else’s job but mine. I will TRY to remember to cherish what I have and what other people are going through. And to always see the glass half full.

If you want to read more about Ronan or his mom Maya, check out her blog Rockstar Ronan.