parenting

Why we are not homeschooling high school this year

/ Jeanette / 1 Comment

I know just last week or so I posted that I would have a Pre-k, a middle schooler and a high schooler.  After much stress and anxiety (about 5 months worth) on my part, my daughter decided she wasn’t ready. She said there were things she wanted to go over and grasp before she jumped into high school. And I was very relieve! But then stressed again because we start school in 2 weeks. 

Are we saying she failed 8th grade? No! My daughter struggled in some minor areas but the majority she passed with flying colors. We are calling it a gap year. Yes all the formal paperwork says 8th grade but to us it is a catch up year. Which we knew she would have an extra year option.

Here in Florida if you turn 5 before September 1, then you start Kindergarten that year. Teachers here hate it! At least all the ones I have come across.  If your birthday is after September 1, you don’t start until the following August. Even though my oldest and middle daughter are 2 years apart, school age they are only one grade apart.  My middle daughter would be graduating before she is even 18. This will also happen for my son who is born in July.

My hubby and I always knew we would have a year if she felt she needed it. And I am really proud of her making the decision to take it now to prepare more knowing that high school is when it counts. Even though she feels terrible for all the money spent (that’s my frugal girl) on the curriculum for 9th grade. It’s not like it won’t get used next year. Plus my hubby was over the moon. He has had a hard time accepting it. I mean just 2 weeks ago we were talking about it and he said well she doesn’t start high school for another year. He has been in denial over the last few months. So when she asked if she could take her gap year he was quick to answer yes! Poor guy couldn’t handle his little girl growing up.

All in all my daughter may not be going into high school yet, but she showed her maturity level by making a very good decision.

 

 

Pre-K, middle and high school

/ Jeanette / Leave a comment

This is my life and the cause of my anxiety. The question of the last 3 months has been how in the heck am I going to homeschool 3 kids at 3 different levels without someone getting left behind or forgotten.

I have a preschooler who needs my attention to learn the basis of learning for the rest of his life. No pressure there!

I have a middle schooler who is severe special needs and is actually on a 3rd grade level.

I have a high schooler who doesn’t need as much guidance but still needs something to make it fun and engaging. Working out of a textbook day in and day out is not going to fly around here.

We are a hands on learning family. So needless to say this next year is going to be a major success or the death of me. Regardless it should make some great blog post.

The 5 minutes my heart stopped

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Two days ago I had the worse scare of my life. I felt like the safe sanctuary of my country life had been compromised. I was talking on the phone to my mom, when Brianna came running out of her room terrified. I mean completely terrified to the bone and yelling there is a guy with a gun. So I jump up and run to her bedroom window. And I see this strange guy casually walking with a gun hoisted on his shoulder between my front yard and my neighbors. I immediately tell my mom I got to go there’s a guy with a gun. The last thing I heard my mom say as I was hanging up was call the cops.

Now let me give some background. My mom lives 30-45 minutes away. My husband’s workshop is in my backyard. And him and my 2 oldest daughters were out there working.

So I try to call my hubby’s cell and got no answer. I told Brianna to watch her brother and lock the doors and I ran full force across my yard, shoes flying off to get to the shop. I yell there is a guy with a gun. My hubby yells WHAT?! Then I turn and realize my kids weren’t there. I yelled where are the kids. And we take off out of the shop to see them casually walking across the yard. We both yell get in the house~ there’s a gun. We all are running full force. Before any of us called 911 or my hubby grabbed his guns. He looks out the window and sees he is pumping it because it is a BB gun. We were all completely freaked out. But relieved!

Apparently he is our new neighbors boyfriend. And he was chasing their ducks because they were hungry or bored. I don’t know and I don’t care. That is just not what you want to be doing in a neighborhood in this day and age.

Now in the meantime, my mom has practically had a heart attack because she never got to the point of our conversation of where my hubby was that day in our shop or installing a job at a house somewhere. So she called my brother who has moved in with me, asking where he was and where was his brother in law and what was happening. He is flipping out and called me while driving. Which is awful because he has had his license for less than a month. I explain to him what happened and how we are fine.

I then called my mom and explained to her. And we both praised Brianna because even though it wasn’t a real gun, it was the right thing to do to warn us and get an adult. And that you can never be too careful. Then I realized that that 5 minutes knocked about 20 years off my life! And then I felt sad because this is the reality of the world that my children are growing up in. Shootings everywhere~ theaters, shopping malls and even our sacred schools.

But thank god it’s not in my neighborhood. I will take crazies with BB guns anyday. Well maybe not. I don’t think my heart can take it.

If only I was a more organized mom

/ Jeanette / Leave a comment

I feel like I have a lot of missed opportunities when it comes to my kids. And sometimes (ok A LOT of times) I think if I was more organized then I wouldn’t miss them so much. I feel like we miss out on a lot of the fun aspects of homeschooling because I am so focus on finishing the books and saying we did it. I am definitely missing out on things with my son because of being so focused on the girls and not having a plan of attack. Sometimes he will ask to do school and then I have to scramble. And to me that sucks! I feel like it is half ass done then.

I also feel like if I was more organized then we could do the experiments and the art that my kids thrive on. We could take the field trips that they drive me crazy about.

For example, this past Monday I thought I was having oral surgery done. And I had nothing planned for the kids to work on while I was recovering. I had barely any menu planned that wasn’t microwavable and processed. I felt terrible. Luckily the surgery didn’t happen and I am feel to live about my life without stitches in my mouth and with yummy solid food in my belly. But then yesterday, reality hit that I have no meal plan, no grocery list made, no homeschool plan, coupons from the last month that needs organizing and a huge TO DO pile that has deadlines.

So I am determined to get more organized this year (what’s left of it). I want to make my life easier. I want to have time to myself because right now all I do is cook, clean and try to get organize. I have no hobby or anything for me. And I realized that I need that, no crave that me time.

First things first, the present task at hand. We have to eat, so bring on the meal plan. I usually try to make a months worth of menus but decided a week was good considering everything going on.

Then grocery list!

Homeschool plan is very vague and non detailed but gives me an idea of what to accomplish so done there.

Work on coupons with the kids.

And I want my To Do list done by Friday.

So that leaves the weekend open to think of more ways to organize and make my world simpler.

The phone call no parent (or in this case, sister) ever wants to get

/ Jeanette / 1 Comment

I have the best baby brother in the world. He truly is like one of my kids to me. I was 13 when he was born and I just took over as a little momma hen from the moment he arrived. I taught him to show respect to adults. I also taught him that out of everyone I am the one to fear when misbehaving because I am the one who expects the most from him. I just knew he was destined for greatness and I pushed him to show that.

Now flash forward 18 years, he is a senior and has his whole life ahead of him with a bright future. He is learning to drive and be an adult and everything that means.

About a month and a half ago, my mom called around 5pm. Which was unusual and I knew something was wrong. First thing out of her mouth was Brandon and 2 of his friends had been in a car accident and he was driving. She sounded calm but I was an instant mess and I was driving at the time. Thank god for my back country roads with no traffic! Not trusting anything my mom says sometimes, I was yelling is he ok. Do you physically see him in front of you and he is ok? Then she was like Oh my god, the cars are totaled. And I am trying to judge how fast I can make it from my little city to the big city at quitting time. But she assured me that he was ok. So luckily I was 5 minutes from home when this phone call came in. I was shaking and had a ton of questions.

So a couple hours later, I needed to hear from him that he was okay. And I was overjoyed when I heard his voice on the other line. I even had my cousin go check on him the next day since they both go to the same school.

Needless to say, Brandon was very worried about the other driver and took responsibility like a man. He worried about the financial aspects of it since my brother decided a 2012 Lexus was the perfect match for his 2000 Chevy Malibu. Would he owe on what his insurance didn’t cover? But listening to him fret over real world stuff made me both proud and heartbroken.

Proud because I feel like he is the man I wanted and knew he could and would become. And heartbroken because I don’t have that smarty pants little baby brother who thought it would be fun to run into a wall to see what a fly felt like.

Graduation will be in a month and then he is off to boot camp for the National Guard for about 9 months. 9 very long months without my first baby boy!

A slap in the face…

/ Jeanette / Leave a comment

So I had all these wonderful, light hearted and funny posts on how our life has been the last month or so. And I will still post those this week. But I really need to vent and get this off of my chest!

Anyone who reads all my post knows I am a huge fan of the blog Rockstar Ronan. I honestly fell in awe of everything Maya is doing to help bring awareness and keep Ronan’s death from being in vain. I have voted, I have begged on my facebook pages for votes, I have bought T-shirts and bracelets. I have to admit I became a little bit obsessed.

But never did I imagine that last week my oldest daughter would be reading to me, from her facebook page, that one of her good friends has Neuroblastoma!

Here is what happened. Two weeks ago she said she heard through the grapevine that he had a tumor in his lungs. Then the next day it was lung cancer. But nothing was confirmed by him so I didn’t give it much thought. Plus they go to different high schools so who knows what is going on.

Then last week she was reading to me from the kitchen while I am in the living room and all I heard was Neuroblastoma. Let’s say I have never moved that fast before at night after the lil one has gone to bed. I kept calm and I didn’t tell her that is what Ronan had. She always questioned my shirts and bracelets and I briefly tell her but not in detail. But I just didn’t know what to say. I was in shock!

I never imagined it would be that close to my family. I mean this boy is a really good friend of my daughters; they even tried the whole dating thing but it was too awkward.

I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news and be like there is no cure or he will probably die. But I don’t want to ignore it and pretend it will go away. I have always tried to shelter my kids from hurt and pain. Probably the worse thing for me to do but I tried to make everything stress-free. They will get enough of that when they enter the world.

But now I am not sure what to do……..

These last couple of years have been full of death…

A grandpa, a cousin, our pediatrician (like family), a family friend (just last month) and now possibly an innocent teenager who hasn’t lived his life to his fullest.

How cruel this world can be!

Why I homeschool?

/ Jeanette / Leave a comment

10 years ago I would have never thought I would be a homeschooling mom.

But now 6 years into this journey, I wouldn’t change a thing.

Let me paint you a picture of my former life.

I was a normal suburban mom. I got the kids up in the morning, fed them breakfast and off to school we went. Some days I would stay and volunteer all morning. Other days I did grocery shopping or leisurely shopping. I made lunch dates. Then I would go back and pick my kids up and go home to homework, dinner and bath time. And always couldn’t wait until bedtime. OH MY bedtime couldn’t come fast enough. One year I was even a PTA board member. Voted as volunteer of the year in our school! Homeschooling never even crossed my mind. I loved being away from my kids.

So how in the world did I become a homeschooling mom?

We moved out to the country. And people weren’t as nice as they were in our old neighborhood. I wasn’t embraced by the school, teachers or PTA and neither were my kids. We came in the middle of the year and that made us different. Why I am not sure? Tons of people move schools in the middle of a school year. Out here it made us outcast. I had a daughter who was brilliant and they couldn’t see it. And a daughter that would freeze and have a panic attack at the mention of a test and they didn’t care.

Down here in Florida we have an annual test called the FCAT. Like a standardize test, but Florida thought it would be fun to say if you don’t pass this test in 3rd or 12th grade, you don’t pass or get a diploma. So the teachers were under pressure and they put their students under pressure. This wasn’t a good situation for someone with a test anxiety. So I talked to the teachers. The results were deal with it because the State of Florida says this is the way it is. Let me tell you, I tried to walk away from this teacher without an argument. But she followed me out into the hallway and confronted me. After a huge argument which got me labeled as the Bitch mom. I walked away and decided no one was going to tell me to deal with it. This was the day we decided to homeschool.

At first it started with just my oldest two children. But half-way through the year, my youngest joined. Over the years, my kids have chosen home or school. I think we finally got it right with my oldest in a regular public school and my 3 youngest homeschooling. It fits everyone’s personalities and makes everyone happy.

It isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. And there are days when I am like what was I thinking!?! But to see my test anxiety child, who hated reading and took 3 hours to write spelling sentences, pick up a book on her own and fall in love with the characters and stories was amazing. To see her read a 700 page book with joy, unbelievable. And now I am experiencing it with my special needs child. Who always felt safer to stick with the easy reader books, branch out and found, not 1 but 2 series that has her excited for our library trips. There were tears, fights, judgement and criticism. Still is.

But I have seen so much and learned so much through homeschooling and my kids.

I realized I love them more everyday! And being with them to watch them grow is a blessing.

Hello 2013!

/ Jeanette / Leave a comment

After a much needed break, I am back and ready to blog! And I am definitely ready for a new year and a new me.

2013 is going to be awesome! Well because I said so!

I am taking control of me, my life and my anxiety. That is my biggest 2013 resolution.

During the break, I felt fantastic. I had a few moments of relapse. And a particularly bad day on New Year’s. But I made it through and realized that I can’t and won’t live like this. It’s not living and when you stop living that is when your physical and mental health start to go downhill. And I won’t let that happen. I am only 31!!!

And on that note I had a birthday over the break. I actually went out shopping and to dinner 2 days in a row for my birthday. I was so proud! I do notice I have less anxiety going out when I’m with my husband. Maybe he is like a security blanket for me right now. Unfortunately he is also a very busy man so I can’t expect him to be there with me for every errand. Baby steps, but I will get there.

So look out 2013!

Night of the Living Dead

/ Jeanette / Leave a comment

Hello Everyone,

It’s been a long time since I posted on here and I missed some AMAZING opportunities in our lives over the last few months. My reason was I wasn’t here. Mentally or Emotionally. Only my physical self was here. I didn’t realize it but I was fighting depression and anxiety. I see it now. I had all the symptoms.

Lack of Motivation

Loss of appetite

Feeling of sadness

Fatigue

Yup that was me! And then I had this anxiety that I didn’t want to leave the house. The thought literally made me feel like I was drowning. I always made excuses about why I couldn’t go do this or that. Looking back it was ridiculous. But I couldn’t help it.

No one knew what was going on until one day, I told my hubby that I wasn’t myself and something was wrong. Step 1 admitting a problem~check.

I spent days telling myself I wanted to feel normal. I kept willing, begging and praying to feel normal again. I just wanted to be me again. So why couldn’t I? And how did I get to this point?

Well I think it was just my year from hell finally came crashing down on me and reality sank in.

My grandpa is gone.

My mom and I will never be the same.

My cousin died of Esphogial cancer.

HELL~ even my kids Pediatrician who was my doctor died.

I realized my childhood was a ball of lies.

My daughters are growing and one is in high school (I think that was icing on the cake)!

Ever since she started high school, it kept getting worse and worse. I became obsessive about homeschooling. It felt like the last normal part of me. And I made it consume 150% of my life.

Last straw was 2 weeks ago. I had my whole little family here including my brother. And I started sinking. It literally came out of nowhere. My brother and husband noticed it. And hubby finally convinced me to take something for it. It helped! I only took 1/2 a pill but it immediately helped.

I was so reluctant. I didn’t want too. I didn’t think I needed it. But I did and I see that now through clear eyes.

I have my life back after 1/2 a pill. I haven’t taken another one since. I don’t know if I was ready enough that all I needed was a little boost. But I feel like Jeanette again.

And I am SOOOO appreciating it to the point of being corny. But I notice the colors of the sky, grass and streams. I see everything clearly. And I love it!

But at the same time, I missed so much. And that I will never get back.

So that is why I am taking the rest of the year off. I am going to enjoy the moments and live! I am going to enjoy my family. And I will be back in the New Year. I need this and my family deserves this.

But one last thing~If you are reading this and saying I feel the same way. Please, PLEASE seek help. Mine start by vocalizing to my hubby and reaching out. Tell a friend or seek professional help on your own. It is nothing to be ashamed of and you will feel so much better once you do. You can start living again.

And to any friends and family that read this and go I had no idea. Well I am an awesome actress and should be given an Oscar.