parenting

Couponing for giving

/ Jeanette / Leave a comment

A  New Year’s Resolution of mine this year is to give back more. I am doing this in honor of my Grandpa. He would work his butt off to make ends meet, but if you needed something, anything he would find a way to get it for you. He was always helping out family and friends. This is why he had so much debt.

So this year I am striving to do the same. But I am doing it as cheaply as possible.

Now I have some friends that have told me it doesn’t count as me giving to charity because I didn’t pay for it or I paid very little. Some look at couponing like I am ripping off the stores. Bottom line is the stores get their money back plus an additional 8 cents for each coupon. And I do give, maybe not my money but I give a lot of my time looking for the coupons, finding the deals and driving to the store to get them.

I am not saying everyone has to go all extreme. But when your clipping out coupons for your own shopping is it too much to get the coupon for the free dog or cat food and pick it up with your weekly shopping? Animal shelters are always in need of pet food. And even one bag would help tremendously!

Recently I had the opportunity to pick up 12 jars of baby food that were on sale. They were Buy one Get one (BOGO). And with my 3 $1 off of 3 jars coupons, 12 jars only cost me $0.42. I am sure a local food shelter or a shelter for single moms would appreciate even just those 12 jars or even 3 jars.

I am constantly looking for great deals on razors, shaving cream and toilet paper. These are things can be used at my home but also given to homeless or abused woman shelters.

Plus my children get the lesson of giving. When we go shopping and they see me pick up a toy, their first reaction is to get excited, but when I explain why we are getting that toy, they get even more excited to help others.

So thinking of all the good you could do with one coupon does it seem like too much?

Becoming the parent I never had

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Is it in the genes to just grow up and be the same as your parents?

Is it inevitable that we will say and act the same way they did?

Is it an unbreakable cycle?

Growing up I never knew who my biological father was. I had these weird memories of some huge burly guy seeing me tear off the labels on my brand new food play set and asking if I was suppose to do that and then turning to go tell my paternal grandmother. I had this memory for 7 years before I finally met him. When I was 1 or 2 he decided that he didn’t want me. Drugs were more important. By the time I met him, he had remarried and they had a child together, a son, which is what he wanted all along. I was respectful to him as I had been taught to do. But I just couldn’t hug him and say Daddy! He was huge, well over 6 feet and well over 300 lbs. I was terrified of him. And I was angry and cautious. He left once why wouldn’t he do it again?

My mom needed to work to give me everything I had or so she said. So I lived at my maternal and paternal grandparents house, only seeing my mom twice a week. Almost like a custody agreement. 1 week here and 1 week there. But they were like best friends. If I wanted to go to see the other set it was no problem. We would all get together and go out to the beach, dolphin watches and to get ice cream. That’s how I remember family days; 2 grandpa’s and two grandma’s.

When I would see my mom, we would usually go out shopping since that was the only way she knew to show me her love was to buy me stuff. And then we would go out to eat. After it was back to my grandparent’s house. As long as I was quiet and sweet and innocent, then our visit went smoothly. But if I decided to be normal and act out, it was awful. I would get verbally abused for being stupid and making a simple mistake like spilling something. If I mouthed off I would get threatened to get beaten, one time it took my cocker spaniel getting between me and my mom with her fly swatter to get her to back off.

There is one thing I had for both my parents and it wasn’t admiration and love; it was fear! I was scared of my parents and their erratic and explosive tempers. So I always tried to be the peace maker.

Then it all changed!

I was 16 and pregnant long before it was cool to be on a reality show for it. And suddenly I had this precious little baby inside me that needed me to be strong. And her biological father was also physically and emotionally abusive to me.

And then I snapped! I left him behind never to see his child again (2 years later I was strong enough to fight him and win custody of our daughter and now he has signed over all rights to my husband).

While fighting for custody, my father decided to leave his new family. He walked away from his 15-year-old son and never saw him again. He eventually moved in with my grandparents and tried to explain to me and I said I didn’t want to be in the middle. I was to the point and short about everything I said to him. But then the day came that I couldn’t take it anymore. My grandfather, my father figure, just came home from the hospital after suffering a heart attack. My grandmother asked my father to take the garbage out. Yes he had to be told to do his chores! Well he mouthed off and I went insane. I knew I couldn’t fake how I feel any longer. So I told him exactly what a low life he was and he then came after me. But fear did not consume me and cause me to run, no years of being emotionally scarred and pissed off ignited this strength that allowed me to stand in my place watching him try to get around the rocking chair to get to me. What he was going to do exactly, no one knows, but I do know I brought back my fist ready for a fight and simply said bring it. Years later he would tell me I am acting like a little bitch just like my mom and I said Thank you as long as I am not like you. That was the last time I saw him.

My mom had ways of sucking you in. For years I was terrified of her and then I became a parent and she wanted to be my best friend. It worked out for a while. We were always doing things together: shopping, taking the kids here or there. But then she remarried and the mom I knew and never loved.  And her new hubby wasn’t much better. The day before my beloved Grandpa’s funeral this last year, I text my mom a simple question. She took it the wrong way, blew it out of proportion, made it all dramatic. The next thing I know her hubby is calling me and when I answer the phone for the drunk, he goes off on me about how my Grandpa didn’t deserve respect and that I need to grow up and quitting acting like a spoiled brat. Snap #3! I can’t repeat what was said on that phone that day. But I will say the story he has told to my mom’s side of the family is an outright lie. We haven’t spoken since and even when he saw me he couldn’t look me in the eye. For months my mom went on trying to pretend it is all ok. She had to call me and I never called her. She had to text me because I wouldn’t. I was desperately holding on to that relationship string I had tried my whole life to have with my mom. She has never said she loves me. Not the day I gave birth at 17 years old and not the day I got married. And I was so depressed for months until finally my oldest daughter said “Mom we don’t like seeing you like this.” And I said “your right. It’s not worth it.”

My mom has tried to apologize in her we were all wrong explanation. But I told her through the whole conversation I was not wrong and will not say I was. That is how that ended. We still talk about once a week and she comes over about once a month. Maybe if she needs something. Far less than what it use to be. And I am ok with that. My family life has been amazing since I got rid of the toxins. I lean on my hubby more, I cherish my kids more. I want to be the parent that gives my kids amazing memories. Not the disconnected kind that treats her kids like they are a burden or ruined her life. I promised my daughters that I would never do what my mom did to me. They are old enough that they witnessed and understood what happened. And they know that is never going to be an issue.

I also write this because the brother that my father walked away from just found out they are expecting and I wonder. Will the past come back to bite him? Is he doomed to make the same mistakes? And I can honestly say not if you don’t let it. Stand up and be strong! Fight for what you love and what you have! And fight to be the best parent and person you can be! I did and I have succeeded!

Mama Jedi Mind Tricks

/ Jeanette / 2 Comments

I have learned a few tricks while growing my large family. For one they don’t slow down on eating as they get older; they actually speed up. To make groceries stretch and last I have come up with some Mama Jedi Mind tricks.

For one is my bacon, I cut it in half. Therefore when they take 3-4 they actually only getting 1 1/2-2 slices of bacon. If I left them whole they would still eat 3-4 and 1 package of bacon would only last me 1 meal instead of a week or so.

Another one I just tried this week was cutting the bread in half for French Toast. My family loves the French toast made with the Pepperidge Farm Cinnamon Bread. If I leave the slices whole they went through almost 2 loaves of bread. I cut them in half and we only used 1 loaf.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When it comes to milk we go through a lot. So I have a couple of tricks on that. 1) Why use the good stuff for cooking? I substitute for half & half (especially if it is close to expiration date), cream or powdered milk. I usually make up a 2 quart container of powdered milk and use it for cooking. 2) On those days when I don’t wanna go to the store I will mix in my cooking milk with the half gallon of regular milk that is left in the milk container. Shake it up and your good. You have to be stealth. My hubby would never drink it if he knew. So that is why I mix it with a 1/2 gone gallon of milk and it taste perfect.

Meat is our biggest expense. So to cut down on that I have one meatless day a week. And I sneak in refried beans with hamburger whenever I can. Tacos, chili, spaghetti sauce are just a few dishes I use it in. It’s also a great way to get some fiber into your family.

VOILA! Not only is this a great way make the groceries last but also cuts the amount of calories. In their mind they are still getting the same amount but in reality not so much.

Special needs mom fighting for diagnosis

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I never wanted to be the mom of a special needs kid.  The idea and thought terrified me. Then I became very close with my cousin who one day just stop growing and no one knew why. He was like having a baby under the age of 1 for about 2-3 years. And I watched what my Aunt was going through and I definitely didn’t want it then. I had a perfectly healthy daughter and that was how I wanted all my kids. But then I met my husband.

I have a blended family. My oldest daughter and youngest daughter came from my husbands previous marriage. The mom got into some trouble and lost custody. The day I moved in, she quit coming around or calling much. Eventually she signed over her rights and I adopted the girls as my own. My middle and youngest daughter are only 5 months apart. But they are mentally and physically years apart. When I came into the picture Bri would talk but you couldn’t understand her at all. Only 3 words came out clearly. She was having a hard time potty training. Very small and petite in size compared to the other kids. It seemed like everything with Bri was on hyperspeed. And she was very impulsive and unaware of dangers.

We originally got the speech diagnosis and started her in an intense pre-k with tons of speech therapy. About 2 years later, we got the ADHD diagnosis. But within 6 months of being on meds, she turned violent and out of control. My little sweet petite girl could bust my lip, punch a hole in the wall and break a window all in one day. And yes she was only 6 or 7. From there we got the diagnosis of mood disorder. She has been on meds ever since. But I kept saying there was something more. That something wasn’t right. I homeschooled for a couple of years until her meds weren’t working and she became a danger to myself and the newborn in the house at the time. We decided that we needed a break and public school would give us that. But in school she was struggling. Inevitably getting in a fight because and I quote “the other girl wanted to”. She didn’t have any social common sense in my opinion. She will talk to you like dirt and treat you like dirt but the minute you do it to her; your labeled as mean and she runs to her room crying which then goes into a temper tantrum. She doesn’t understand right from wrong or just doesn’t care. I am not sure. She struggles in school with making friends and being on her grade level. No one has an answer, a solution and just keeps passing her along!

I have been to therapist that have suggest locking her in a closet to talking to her like she is a baby. I have been to neurologist, endocrinologist, psychiatrist, psychologist and had many IQ test done. But finally I might have a light at the end of the 9 year battle! It took the 5th psychiatrist to listen and say whoa, i think she might be this instead. But finally there is hope. And the scary part is I have suspected it all along.

Asperger’s!

I am really hoping this is the answer. I am exhausted and beginning to lose my drive. But I can’t quit; I know that. But it just sucks going on this journey.

I will say that with everything I picked up with my daughter and cousin, I have learned a lot. I can look at someone at the restaurant and say he is autistic or listen to a friend share her worries about her child and say sounds like a sensory issue.

But it still is hard…….

Shopping to feed the tribe…How do I do it?

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So we are awful with staying on a budget, but when it comes to food, I think I am finally getting the hang of it. For the longest time I would shop at just Walmart, then all those reports came out about the milk and what not so I quit. And then I was shopping at Sweetbay, but lets just say I found something in my pork chops one day that just totally grossed me out. So I shopped at Publix for a couple of years. But they are the most expensive grocery store in our area. Now I shop for the majority of my groceries at BJ Wholesale.

Another thing I do is Coupon! Yes, I am one of those people with the notebook trying to score cheap to free items. But in this economy and with a large family you have to stretch your money in all places. Couponing is amazing. No, I don’t go all Extreme Couponing and buy 200 bottles of mustard; just to realize we don’t eat mustard. No, I can’t get my total down from $2000 to a penny. But what little bit I use saves me in the long run and over time adds up to be huge.

But how do I combine my coupons with a wholesale club?

BJ’s accepts coupons! They even mail you out store coupons every month to use with manufacture coupons. Plus at the store they have more store coupons that get switched out every 2 weeks. Saving you even more. I also upgraded my membership to the plus which allows me to receive 2% back on certain purchases~ food one of them. Every 6 months I receive a gift card with my rebate. And with the amount I spend I actually get my membership free with the 2% back.

Now the upfront out of pocket may seem crazy, $10.99 for 4 packages of bacon. But when you break it down. The best deal I can get from the local stores is 3 for $10 and this is rare. For an extra $0.99 I got that 4th package of bacon. Enough for a month or more depending on our bacon cravings. Milk, eggs, butter and oj are a few items that are always cheaper and they sometimes put coupons out for those items also. Very rare with a regular grocery store. They have an amazing organic selections. I have organic spices for $3-5 for a huge bottle!

Non-food items are also a better deal. I originally started shopping here because we had just added little man to our tribe and was looking for diaper deals. Every month you can count on some kind of diaper coupons in the monthly savings book. And a lot of the diaper boxes have manufacture coupons that you can use combined for the next time. I always get about $5 to $10 off a big box of diapers which is priced about the same as a smaller box at Walmart. My printer ink is a much better deal also instead of the 2 for $70; I am getting 3 for $70. They just started offering Forever Stamps at a discounted rate. I just recently started filling up the gas tank when I am there because again $0.30-$0.50 cheaper. And propane tanks are $5 cheaper for a refill.

More money out of pocket upfront but the items last longer and break down to be cheaper. Why am I going to go the store to buy toilet paper every month and pay a $1 more a package, when I can buy the industrial package store it, pay less in the long run and not have to buy more for a few months?

Product Review~ Batter Blasters

/ Jeanette / 1 Comment

This morning I decided to try out my Batter Blasters. This is a product I wouldn’t normally buy due to my large family. But I saw a buy one get one (BOGO) deal plus had coupons making it a dirt cheap deal. So I thought “why not, sounds like fun.”

For those of you who don’t know what Batter Blasters are, they are pancake or waffle batter in a Redi-Whip type spray can. The price for one can is about $3.99. With my BOGO deal and coupons, I was able to get 2 cans for $1.99. But was it worth it?

The directions on the can state to shake can, turn upside down and push nozzle to spray batter on hot griddle or skillet.

I did this but the can didn’t state how much to put on the griddle so in my opinion the pancakes turned out a little small compared to what I usually make.

Another thing, the batter didn’t bubble up the pancake batter usually does, telling you it is time to turn so the first batch came out a little too dark for most of my family. Thank God for Bri who likes them dark!

I have 7 people in the house to feed breakfast too. So I didn’t think 1 can would be enough with the pancakes being smaller.  SO I got out the second can.

Half way through the second can, disaster struck! The spout wouldn’t quit spraying out batter and then it started sputtering and then it burped and then died. The spout wouldn’t do anything. I lost half a can of batter because of a packaging default.

The good news is while the can was uncontrollably spewing batter I moved the batter along the griddle enough to make my lil man a hummingbird pancake. He was thrilled!

In the end, the pancakes tasted good but the batter was very sticky and hard to flip over. The cans were fun until the volcano erupted then disappointing because my money went in the garbage. The pancakes came out significant smaller causing my large family to eat more and the leftovers were much less than if I made my homemade pancakes.

For my family this deal was not worth it. Maybe if I had younger kids, but I have 1 teenager and 2 preteens that eat like horses. So batter blasters is one item I won’t be buying again.

Homeschooling with a toddler part 2

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Part 1 talks about getting a schedule set for your older child that way you and her aren’t always wondering what’s next. And this also allows more time for you to play and be hands on with your toddler. With my toddler I have a toddler/preschool curriculum I bought (very cheap I might add) and I also use preschoolpalace.org and preschoolexpress.com to supplement.

At the beginning of the month I like to pick my themes and color for the month.

beginning of the month

I then go on the websites and through my own curriculum and pick out the activities that would interest Dakota.  Then take a blank monthly calendar and list one activity on each blank spot. I do not fill in the dates because that is not relevant to me. Basically I say these are the things I want to accomplish this month. Every morning I look at the calendar and say ok I have everything for this or I can fit this activity in between errands. As we do an activity I highlight it so I know what we have and haven’t done. Very simple and yet organizing. As you know life with a toddler is day to day. Today they could be sweet as pie and tomorrow their evil twin might show up. So with this kind of relaxing scheduling you can accommodate anything that life throws at you. Some days it is as simple as reading a specific story. Those are good on days when your toddler isn’t feeling well.

Also at the beginning of the month I like to hang up our theme posters on Dakota’s bulletin board. That shows Dakota pictures of what we are learning along with our color poster for the color of the month. Throughout the month as we do an activity I like to hang some of them on his board so everyone can see and he can show everyone. Sometimes it spills over onto the refrigerator because what Mom doesn’t have a refrigerator full of art.

Dakota’s board

By the end of the month our board is full and we take it all down saving some things of course and getting it ready for the next month.

Breakfast for Dinner

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Some days are absolutely crazy in a large family.  Some days I am trying to get so much done that I forget about dinner, or to read the recipe and make sure I have all the ingredients and also how much time it takes to cook. This is me scatter brained (but what’s new).

I hate when I get home from my bus run (some days 3:45pm and some days 4:15pm) and listen to the question what’s for dinner! When I am in a pinch like this I try (and fail) not to do the whole fast food thing. Well this past week I ran into one of those days. And what did I do? Take a look at the picture……

 

I made breakfast. Homemade pancakes which only take a few minutes. And defrosted some bacon and fried it up! Yum Breakfast for dinner is Heaven! By the way I make 30 pancakes with the hopes of having some left over for another breakfast for my 2 youngest kids. This day I walked away with 7 left over. THAT’S ENOUGH FOR 3 KIDS!

Homeschooling with a toddler part 1

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Homeschooling a middle schooler while having a toddler at home can be VERY challenging. My son would very happy watching Toy Story 2 (has to be 2) or Mickey Mouse Clubhouse all day long but it makes me feel guilty! So I decided that there has to be some kind of compromise on homeschooling my older child while homeschooling my youngest. I needed to be organized, not my strongest area. But it was the only way to quiet my guilt and make me feel like a supermom.

First was getting my daughter on a set schedule. This way she knew what to expect and I knew what was coming next. I sat down wrote out all the subjects and then wrote out our timeline. Because we do have 2 other kids in Public School we have to finish by the time I go on my afternoon bus run. Now this is our second schedule, I had to some tweeking. I originally had math as our first subject because this is one she struggles with and I thought that if it was the first subject of the day she would feel refreshed and understand it better. But after many weeks of stressing because our schedule was being thrown off I moved it to our last subject of the day. This gives her the whole rest of the day to work on it ( if need be) and I am not stressing her out saying we need to move on.

At first we had Mondays off but my hubby didn’t like that. Another long story…..

One these days I promise I will tell all my long stories.

Okay back to Mondays. So on Mondays we do a review of what we learned the week before. Which makes sense to me more than Friday reviews because chances are they are going to forget over the weekend not from Monday to Friday when you have been working on for 5 days straight. Plus my youngest daughter gets out an hour early from public school.

Tuesday and Wednesday we wrap up everything as far as me teaching by 2:30 pm. I go for my bus run and my daughter stays working on math if need be.

Thursday and Friday, my youngest has tutoring so I don’t have to leave until 3 pm to get my oldest. That gives us and extra 1/2 hour so we try to fit in Music, Art and Clickschooling.

Then I factored in when my son would take a nap and also when lunch would be so I could schedule the more hands on lessons during that time. I also put a more hands off subject the hour before lunch which would give me time to make a healthy lunch (no sandwiches here, well maybe once in a while).

Yes I still have to stop and give the assignment and possibly teach a lesson or two but I am not sitting here dumbfounded going UMMMMMM when asked what’s next. We both had the schedule right in front of us and could easily look ahead of time and prep.

Part 1 accomplished!

Instant Grow~ Large Family

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ABOUT ME~

 

I did not acquire a large family the traditional way. First I had a child in my teens. Then I fell in love and married in my 20’s a man who had 2 kids. We adopted each other’s kids to make it legal. 6 years later we were pregnant with our first child together. 2 years later my grandmother moved because my grandfather had went into a nursing home.  So this is my Instant Grow Large Family. The kids ages range from 2-13. And we are raising all of them on a shoestring budget that my hubby brings in being self-employed. I am homeschooling 1 of my daughters and the other two choose to go to public school. And my little man is gearing up for his first year of toddler school as he will be homeschooled as well.

 

 

ABOUT THIS BLOG~

What do I hope you will find on this blog? A little bit of everything. Recipes, frugal tips, life learning lessons because we are all still learning, funny stories about our life as a large family, homeschooling activities and household management. So please have patience with me as I am new to this whole blogging thing.