Tag Archive | special needs children

Back to me

A wise but VERY OLD man once told me that I need to keep doing the things I love because that is what’s going to keep me sane.

Well my Dad was absolutely right!

And I am making a point to do things that I loved to do before my world imploded. A few years ago, I fought depression and anxiety. It hit me hard and out of the blue. It took a lot to pull myself out of it. But I did it without drugs or therapy. I worked on the internal me.

Well this year has been nothing but a bunch of bumps in the road. And I have moments where I can feel the anxiety and depression starting to creep back in. This time instead of hiding it from my family, I am very vocal in saying I am having a bad day. It also feels good to have a great support system in the chaos called my life. My family, all of them, have been amazing!

But now it’s time for me to get back to being me.

First things first. Clearing my calendar. You should see all the things written on it. Doctors appointments, homeschool activities, Brianna’s school activities…etc. I have to slow down. I have been on the go constantly for 4 months now. And I feel it hitting me.

So October we are starting to slow down.

I need to be home in order to have a homestead. My garden has suffered. My chickens have suffered. My wallet and health has suffered.

I enjoy doing things with my kids. But I am also an introvert, which means I honestly enjoy a relaxing day at home more.

The last few weeks I have made the effort to do something for me. I have cooked more. I cleaned out my chicken coop and started going back to the old way of taking care of them, instead of my lazy way. And I even read a book!

The difference I feel is incredible and I am going to keep on this path of getting back to me.

Advertisements

Lets be real here…..

I am just going to come out and say it….reading other blogs whether it be about parenting, homeschooling or homesteading, makes me feel like a lazy shit hole person.

BOOM! There it is!! That is the God’s honest truth.

I see everyone happy, living life and raising a happy, healthy family.  And I am over here like where’s the blog post about your out of control teenagers or about the stress of being a special needs parent???

Lets be real….no one’s life is perfect. But when you are having a hard time with your life and all you read is sunshine and unicorns riding over rainbows, it just makes it that much more worse.

I follow TONS of blogs on Facebook, Pinterest and through email. Not one post about how they locked themselves in the bathroom and cried while drinking some pina colada!!!

They are making these beautiful dishes of food, with their perfect kids who are all absolutely perfect, living in their perfect house with their perfect husband.

BLAH!!!! Bologna!!!!

Even the special needs blogs never post about the bad days!

WHY NOT??? Maybe you make someone feel like they are not alone. And that your life is not the only one in chaos. Maybe you can be encouragement or even find encouragement in others to continue on. Keep going on your journey. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

So Lets be real here…..

Raising a family is hard……

Raising a special needs child is hard as hell….

Raising 3 teenage girls is even harder……

Raising 2 children who are not biologically yours is hard…..

Keep yourself sane is the biggest challenge……

While trying not to kill your significant other because he’s the only one who gets it and would understand when you lash out at him…..

Starting a homestead is hard……

Homeschooling is a wonderful and hard at the same time………

I do all of these things. And the last 2 months of my life….no the last 6 months of my life have tried my patience and my love for my family and my husband.

I am not going to lie. I wanted to run and never look back. I still have days like those.

I have days where the thought of waking up and getting out of bed terrifies me for fear of what the day and my special needs child will bring.

When someone in your family has a mental illness it affects EVERYONE!!! Life is hell right now.

I have been special needs shamed…..I have heard everything from I am the reason she is like this to not doing enough to wanting to ship her off and forget about her.

Listen here…. Never in my life have I ever fought for anything more than the children in my life regardless of if they came from my body or not.

But it takes a person..a mother with a huge heart and strong will to say I am not what my child needs right now!!!

Here’s the truth on my life….

My oldest daughter needed a change of scenery. She needed a reality check that she was not going to get from us. She is 18 and made the decision to move across the country.

This in turn has sent my youngest daughter, my special needs child, into some kind of breakdown. We can’t control her, she is a danger to herself and has lost all touch of reality. I cry daily, I fight daily and I feel defeated daily. We have 1 doctor and 2 therapist and I am getting no where. This is not only affecting us but our neighbors because she is dragging them into it by running over there every time she gets mad.

I can barely eat or sleep. I am having anxiety and every morning I start shaking when I know she awake because I know it’s coming. My son is scared every time she throws her tantrums. His little heart starts racing and he begins to cry. My husband is having aches and pains that get worse the more she argues and fights.

I need help. We need help. We keep asking for help. But keep getting no where.

Where are the blog post that show you just how hard it is to raise teenagers, special needs, step children or even keep a happy marriage?

If you can’t be real on your blog, where can you be real at?

I didn’t write this for sympathy or to get people upset. I just needed to be real and vent.

So if you made it to the end, thanks for listening.

Life on the funny farm

It has been anything but funny around here. More like chaotic, overwhelming, stressful and a nightmare.

It all started with homestead problems. Our well started pumping sand. So that was a month before we could get our new one dug and an unexpected expense. Then we had one chicken problem after another, from incubators not holding temperature to sick chicks from a feed store. UGH you name it; it happened. There was a lot of lost on the homestead.

Then started the personal problems.

My oldest daughter moved across the country. It was for the best. She needed a reality check and she wasn’t getting it with Mom and Dad. So she moved in with my brother-in-law and his family. But it wasn’t the easiest thing to do.

Hubby’s business just died! Nothing for almost 2 months.

Then my granddaddy suddenly passed away. It was a long 2 days of being at the hospital. He went from walking, talking and living on his own to relying on a ventilator in a matter of 12 hours.

At the same time, we were in the middle of a huge homestead fence project. Thankfully, my hubby wasn’t working and he was able to be there for the kids and work on the project while I took care of what I had to do.

Then my special needs daughter start having a rough time. I guess it’s all too much for her. Too much change; too fast. So we found an autistic school that she will be attending next school year. That will give me a break and her something to do.

Next was my son’s unexpected surgery. He came through like a champ. But Momma was a wreck.

Now we are nearing the end of our fence project. My son is healing nicely. Hubby’s phone is ringing. And Brianna is getting ready for school.

So there’s an abbreviation of the past 3-4 months of my life.

It was anything but funny!

 

Best January ever

Growing a large family

 

I feel like I have accomplished so much in these first 3 weeks of January.

I turned 34! My birthday was quiet and uneventful. So YAY! to a drama free birthday.

I have stood up for myself and told 2 important people in my life that they will not disrespect me or walk all over me or my family anymore.

We started back to homeschooling and I feel like we are doing pretty good. Some days are better than others, but yesterday was the best yet. I felt like just in that one simple activity so much was learned. We talked and discuss while they used their hands to create something so wonderful. It was definitely a proud mommy moment.

My youngest daughter has been working with a wonderful therapist for the last month. Up until now she has resisted any kind of therapy, but she has really connected with this therapist and I truly see a difference. Then this week, the therapist got us in for an appointment with their psychiatrist. And let me just say, WOW! Where has he been my whole life!!! When our therapist asked how it went. I told her she was a life saver. He just knew what he was talking about and none of this well it could be A or B or Z. He nailed it and talked to my daughter not just about her. Wonderful man!!! I am beyond thrilled because it has been a long 10 years of trying to find a diagnosis.

As I am writing this, I am sitting here looking at my 4 brooders. That’s right~count them FOUR brooders. First one has my baby chicks that hatched on January 2. Second one has a week and a half old Pekin duck with a couple of chicks flying in and out. One chick has really taken a liking to my lonely duck and is very protective if any of chicks come in. The third is full of Cayuga Ducklings about 4 days old~19 of them to be exact. And last but not least~ more Pekin ducklings. These are 4 days old. I have 19 of them also. Most of these will be sold with the exception of the chicks and 4 ducklings. I sold 15 ducklings at the beginning of the week. So my new little business adventure is very productive. Keeps me busy that is for sure.

Growing a Large family

I am also setting up the incubator so I can set 24 eggs for a Valentines day hatching. Or as I like to call it The walking dead hatching. We aren’t big Valentine’s Day people. It’s just too close to Christmas and my birthday. I will probably just cook a nice steak dinner, so why not also hatch some babies!

I also have a couple of pre-orders on some female chicks that I am keeping. Just trying to add some interesting chickens to the flock. My first order comes the end of February and my last order won’t be here until first week of June. Who knows what other kind of trouble I can get into between now and then.

Growing a large family

This post is partying over at the Our Simply Homestead Blog Hop

Hard

photo-1438201743149-3cc16cd4cddd

 

Recently someone said to me, “You just don’t get it, life is hard.”

 

This someone was a family member who I was extremely close to until this last year when he just disappeared.

Apparently life got “too hard” to pick up the phone.

But please don’t assume because someone looks like they are living the perfect life that they don’t understand how hard life can be.

Hard is not knowing when your next job is going to come. Hubby hasn’t worked since November 30. Today, January 13, is his first job in 5 weeks.

Hard is marking off those calendar days and still not hearing the phone ring.

We had 2 months of our mortgage to pay, kids to feed and a homestead to run before even a phone call for a job quote came in.

We don’t live with our significant others family and work at a restaurant the gives us free food.

Hard is knowing we have 4 kids to feed and hoping we can make it through.

I had to scrape together meals the best I can with what I had to work with. My kids never starved, but they also knew we couldn’t grocery shop like usual. And that leftovers had to be eaten. We just didn’t have a choice.

Hard is losing a pet.

Realizing that they will never be there at your feet anymore.

Hard is starting your day at 4:30 in the morning and ending it at 9 at night. And knowing tomorrow you have to do it all over again.

Hard is realizing your another year older and the ones you love and trust aren’t going to be around forever. Hard is knowing tomorrow isn’t guaranteed and one day you will have to say good-bye.

Hard was my Hubby being in the hospital for 24 hours while I am unable to be there. I had no one offer to watch the kids unless it was an absolute emergency.

Getting up, going to work and coming home~ is not hard.

 

Life is hard, once you have lived it.

Life is also hard when lived alone.

 

 

 

2016 Homeschool update and goals

Our new school year begins. I have a 1st grader, 8th grader and a 10th grader now.

This is also the first year that I am not doing all the lessons in all subjects with all of my kids. I realized it wasn’t realistic of me or fair to them. My 10th grader is doing most of the schooling on her own. And only joining us for US History & Geography and Creative Culinary. The rest is through online resources.

My 1st grader is between grades. He is too old for Kindergarten work and not quite ready for 1st grade completely. So we are making it up as we go with him. But I am glad I waited to start formal schooling because now he is so excited to begin. That’s what I want. No one is happy if he is resisting and I am tearing my hair trying to get him to focus.

My 8th grader is the tricky one. She is physically of high school age, technically in 8th grade, but mentally between a 3rd-5th grade level, some days. Towards the end of last year, I notice she wasn’t getting what her sister was doing and was losing interest. She was starting to join more of my son’s activities. Even storytime, she would find some spot to sit so she could hear the story. As frustrating and disappointing as this is, I have resigned myself to it. I want her to grow, learn and be able to function on her own. And it may or may not happen. But for now, this is our reality. Our daughter is stuck as a 9-10 year old. So why would I stress myself and her out to learn things she obviously can’t comprehend.

So my goals for this year…

Have my 10th grader continue to earn credits towards her high school diploma and get a part-time job.

Have my middle daughter continue therapy and continue to work on basic concepts while incorporating them into real life situations. Give her plenty of social situations with children her own age. We have also considered an autism school, but have yet to really make a decision on that.

Have my youngest learn some life skills like tying his shoes and learning his phone number and physical address. Begin reading and build on the skills he has already learned.

Another goal is to simplify our homeschool schedule. From August until November, I had such a full calendar. There was field trips, art & park days, homeschool meeting days and book clubs. I am an introvert so this kind of schedule was too much for me. I know the kids had fun, but it was hard to get in the homeschooling with all the activities. So I am limiting them to a certain amount every month.

Plus all the activities were starting to cost more than I would like to spend every month. With our new budget, we won’t have the funds like we did before.

I am going to pick the activities that go with what we are learning at the time.

I think all of this will help us stay on track and have a great homeschool year.

Peak into our homeschool life

Like I had said in an earlier post, we didn’t start a new school year in August. We are still finishing up Kindergarten, 7th and 9th grade. Our new school year begins in January, after our holiday break.

But I wanted to give you a peak into some of the things we have been doing.

DSC_0485

Scavenger Hunt at the park

DSC_0452

Beginning spelling and yes he is shirtless 99% of the time

Growing a large family

This is after he beat me at Go Fish for the millionth time

DSC_0539

Pumpkin fun

DSC_0463

More Park Fun

DSC_0538

She free-handed her pumpkin drawing then carved it.

DSC_0436

My lil farmer boy

DSC_0072

Homeschool Day at the Florida Aquarium

DSC_0074

Turtle Learning at the Florida Aquarium

We have had a lot of park days lately. We also have had quite a few field trips.

This post is partying over at:

Simple Homestead Blog Hop