The day the system let us down.

New year 2015

One reason I have been MIA this summer is because of my special needs daughter. I don’t know if it is her hormones changing or just the medicine becoming ineffective because of her being on it for so long, but it has been a summer from hell. She has becoming increasingly agitated and defiant. Usually I can reach her with some humor and talking to her. But even that is not working.

Our breaking point came one Sunday. It all started by me asking her to do her chores and from there the whole day went to hell in a hand basket. By about 1-2pm in the afternoon, we were calling the cops out because she ran away after getting violent with me. Now here is where the system failed.

The cop came out and talked her down. But said he would rather us take her to the mental health center because it frees him up for other emergencies. I honestly understand this, but it kinda just let everything else balloon out of control.

We went through all this question and answer sessions and when it was time to talk to administration the lady said nope doesn’t qualify. Okay but when I then tried to explain that she had kicked me twice and body slammed me, I was made to feel like it was my own fault. Now let give a little back story. Two weeks earlier she ran away and the cops came out, they said I should try to restrain and bring her back to the house next time before calling them out. Now this is what I did. I restrained her from running out of the house knowing she was going to run away. When I approached her, she connected twice in my chest and when I did get a hold of her from behind, she threw her weight and me backwards twice. And this lady called it defending herself.

WAIT! IT GETS BETTER!
So I bring up her running away. Oh no, it’s not running away because she went to a neighbor’s house every time. Nevermind if it was a neighbor we knew or not. Nevermind that she probably would not have come home on her own. Nevermind that these neighbors were scared and uncomfortable. She had a destination in mind and because she went there, it is not running away.

She then asked my daughter about therapy. She refused to go. She then asked if she would like to get help at home or away from the family. My daughter says away. She says she is not going to change being at home and refuses to get help unless she is taken somewhere. So this lady recommends a residential place and says SO & SO will be in to help with paperwork.

SO&SO comes in and says no that place won’t take her because she has never been Baker Acted. Well what do you think we are trying to do!!!! Even says she doesn’t qualify for in home therapy just a case manager.

At this point, I am feeling defeated and worn out. When we walked out of the facility after accomplishing nothing, my daughter got mad because she had to go home. I cried the whole way home. I really thought today was the day she gets the help she needs.

Her psychiatrist is good for nothing. He doesn’t know her from Joe down the road. Every time we go in it’s like he is seeing us for the first time. I have to repeat everything. He has also given up hope. He told us this is it. This is your life.

She is on the spectrum, but she is high functioning. She just has a mental age of 10 or under. She has signs of Oppositional Defiant Disorder. She doesn’t understand appropriate relationships. When she has a friend, she becomes completely obsessed with them and it consumes her life.

So let me recap, had the cop taken my daughter instead of us, she would have been admitted. Even for a couple of hours, it would have been on her record and maybe opened up more resources. But instead, that day taught my daughter that everything I have said to her is a lie.

I tell her you can’t go around hitting people that’s called assault and you go to jail for that. Nope! Wrong! She learned that day that she can hit, kick and slam her Mom down and nothing will happen.

I tell her not to runaway because bad things can happen. Nope! Wrong Again! Because she learned as long as she is going to a certain destination it is not considered running away.

I tell her to listen to her parents. Why? No one else does!

So thank you system! You may think my daughter is a lost cause and that she doesn’t understand what you taught her that day. But I guarantee you she remembers. And it will make my life and hers even more difficult! And next time might not be just a little hitting or kicking. It might be worse. But you just don’t get it. You don’t have any special needs children yourself. You just have a medical degree that says you know it all. But you don’t! And until you live our lives on a daily basis, you will never get it.

You failed my family that day. And who knows how many others you have fail. But the fact of the matter is, I am trying to prevent another theater shooting or another Sandy Hook. I think it’s time that you wake up and take parents seriously. Never question a parents intuition!

This all happened 2 weeks ago. And so far things have been smooth sailing. But my daughter is almost 16. She has goals and dreams. And right now those are not a possibility. We have finally found an autism therapy school and are in the process of trying to get her in there. I want to feel hopeful, but also have been so disappointed in the past that I don’t want to get my hopes up.

 

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