parenting

The phone call no parent (or in this case, sister) ever wants to get

/ Jeanette / 1 Comment

I have the best baby brother in the world. He truly is like one of my kids to me. I was 13 when he was born and I just took over as a little momma hen from the moment he arrived. I taught him to show respect to adults. I also taught him that out of everyone I am the one to fear when misbehaving because I am the one who expects the most from him. I just knew he was destined for greatness and I pushed him to show that.

Now flash forward 18 years, he is a senior and has his whole life ahead of him with a bright future. He is learning to drive and be an adult and everything that means.

About a month and a half ago, my mom called around 5pm. Which was unusual and I knew something was wrong. First thing out of her mouth was Brandon and 2 of his friends had been in a car accident and he was driving. She sounded calm but I was an instant mess and I was driving at the time. Thank god for my back country roads with no traffic! Not trusting anything my mom says sometimes, I was yelling is he ok. Do you physically see him in front of you and he is ok? Then she was like Oh my god, the cars are totaled. And I am trying to judge how fast I can make it from my little city to the big city at quitting time. But she assured me that he was ok. So luckily I was 5 minutes from home when this phone call came in. I was shaking and had a ton of questions.

So a couple hours later, I needed to hear from him that he was okay. And I was overjoyed when I heard his voice on the other line. I even had my cousin go check on him the next day since they both go to the same school.

Needless to say, Brandon was very worried about the other driver and took responsibility like a man. He worried about the financial aspects of it since my brother decided a 2012 Lexus was the perfect match for his 2000 Chevy Malibu. Would he owe on what his insurance didn’t cover? But listening to him fret over real world stuff made me both proud and heartbroken.

Proud because I feel like he is the man I wanted and knew he could and would become. And heartbroken because I don’t have that smarty pants little baby brother who thought it would be fun to run into a wall to see what a fly felt like.

Graduation will be in a month and then he is off to boot camp for the National Guard for about 9 months. 9 very long months without my first baby boy!

A slap in the face…

/ Jeanette / Leave a comment

So I had all these wonderful, light hearted and funny posts on how our life has been the last month or so. And I will still post those this week. But I really need to vent and get this off of my chest!

Anyone who reads all my post knows I am a huge fan of the blog Rockstar Ronan. I honestly fell in awe of everything Maya is doing to help bring awareness and keep Ronan’s death from being in vain. I have voted, I have begged on my facebook pages for votes, I have bought T-shirts and bracelets. I have to admit I became a little bit obsessed.

But never did I imagine that last week my oldest daughter would be reading to me, from her facebook page, that one of her good friends has Neuroblastoma!

Here is what happened. Two weeks ago she said she heard through the grapevine that he had a tumor in his lungs. Then the next day it was lung cancer. But nothing was confirmed by him so I didn’t give it much thought. Plus they go to different high schools so who knows what is going on.

Then last week she was reading to me from the kitchen while I am in the living room and all I heard was Neuroblastoma. Let’s say I have never moved that fast before at night after the lil one has gone to bed. I kept calm and I didn’t tell her that is what Ronan had. She always questioned my shirts and bracelets and I briefly tell her but not in detail. But I just didn’t know what to say. I was in shock!

I never imagined it would be that close to my family. I mean this boy is a really good friend of my daughters; they even tried the whole dating thing but it was too awkward.

I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news and be like there is no cure or he will probably die. But I don’t want to ignore it and pretend it will go away. I have always tried to shelter my kids from hurt and pain. Probably the worse thing for me to do but I tried to make everything stress-free. They will get enough of that when they enter the world.

But now I am not sure what to do……..

These last couple of years have been full of death…

A grandpa, a cousin, our pediatrician (like family), a family friend (just last month) and now possibly an innocent teenager who hasn’t lived his life to his fullest.

How cruel this world can be!

Parenting 10 years apart

/ Jeanette / Leave a comment

When I first became a mom, I was 17 and alone, meaning the father hit the road. I was lucky to have family around me. But it was still crazy, hard and a huge responsibility. I’d like to think I handled it better than most, but you know opinions vary, I guess.

Unlike statistics, that say 1 in so many teen moms will have a second child within so many years, I didn’t have another child for another 10 years.

Yes I had 3 girls. But 2 I didn’t physically give birth too. When I gave birth to my son it was exactly 10 years and 6 days after the birth of my daughter.

Now that my son is 3. I see some changes that I have made as far as appreciating the little things that a baby/child does.

Looking back I see where I was in hurry for my daughter to reach and hit milestones. I wanted her to potty train sooner than most. I was excited when she could spell her name at 2 1/2. I moved her into a twin size bed at 2. I think I wanted her to hurry up and grow to that “fun stage”. And now it makes me sad that I didn’t really enjoy it. Meaning I was too young and naive and self absorbed (I’m not afraid to admit it) to see how incredibly special that time was and how fast they grow. And I am not saying it was just my biological daughter. I think I did it with all 3 girls. I mean I had to adjust to being mom to 3, while planning a wedding, while in the I can’t get enough of you love phase, then becoming a newlywed/wife and then buying my first house. I think I was just too busy, unfortunately.

Now when I had my son. I LOVED the whole baby stage. I loved waking up at night. I loved changing the dirty diapers. The one regret I do have is not breast feeding longer (which was not even an option in my mind when I had my daughter). I wait until the last possible moment to push him to move to the next stage of his life.

I left him in a crib until about 6 months ago. My mom was hounding me about getting him a big boy bed. But I just wanted to wait until I knew he was ready and me for that matter. And when I did switch him I didn’t have the fighting at night and the up and down with him. From day one, he has slept in his bed all night. In fact, in the morning and nap time, he doesn’t get up and come out. He lays in there and calls my name. But I think it’s because he likes me to cuddle with him.

I just switched him to pull-ups about 5 months ago or so.

I just started potty training off and on about 2 weeks ago. Getting more consistent with it every week. Of course I talked to him about it, I just didn’t force the issue. And I have to admit seeing all the friends on Facebook saying how their kids, that are younger than him, are potty trained did give me a moment of am I a terrible parent. But then I brushed it off and went to change his pull-up (HAHA).

I didn’t push him to learn the alphabet or his name. He has chosen to sit down and do school with his sisters. But I also don’t force it everyday. If he sits at the table I am prepared, if he doesn’t no big deal.

I take the time to lay in bed and cuddle with him every morning. And we have begun storytime before bed every night.

I just realized how much easier it is as a 30 yr old than as the young mom. And yes I am sure some of it has to do with the fact that he is number 4. But I feel like a lot of it is me. Waiting and wanting another for so long and now having it and appreciating it.

I realized how much of a gift it is to be someone’s mom.

NOT Back to School week 1

/ Jeanette / Leave a comment

As homeschoolers we have the luxury of doing what we want, when we want.

With my oldest heading off to school this week, I decided to give my homeschoolers a couple of fun weeks. Yes they are filled with learning experiences but my kids wouldn’t know it. They think it is all about hands on activities.

Take a look at our week in pictures….

He was cold so he had to wear Mommy’s jacket. Getting up early is hard to do, you know.

 

 

 

 

 

 

School time or so he thought. He wasn’t thrilled that there was no school and that I was also taking his picture.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

First day picnic lunch. Because of rain we had to do this indoors with a movie.

 

 

 

 

 

Waiting for our homemade bouncy balls to be ready.  The kids thought it was fun how I could capture them in movement with the Sport setting on the camera.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Crazy kids! I am convinced they get it from their father.

 

 

 

 

 

I honestly love this picture. They are so happy and carefree and young. Gosh how I miss that.

 

 

 

 

 

By the way the bouncy balls were a dud for us. Instead of bouncing they went THUD.

First Day of High School

/ Jeanette / Leave a comment

Well it has officially happened. Yes I knew it was coming all summer long. But it was still a bit sad.

My oldest started her freshman year of high school  on Tuesday.

How depressing!

That means I am getting old.

And that also means that in 4 years she will graduate and go to college, become an adult and start living her adult life without her Mommy there all the time.

So sad, yet bittersweet to know you had a hand in creating someone amazing for the whole world to see.

Breathe in ~ Breathe out~ Every mom freaks out (Here’s mine)

/ Jeanette / Leave a comment

It’s 6:30 on a Sunday morning. And I am up already making my way through my first cup of coffee. I enjoy listening to the birds chirp and the frogs croak as my dogs go in and out of the house. I consider this my quiet relaxing time. Except I am not.

I feel immensely overwhelmed. I feel as if I haven’t done anything fun with my kids since “school” has gotten out. I also feel that I haven’t worked with them on completing their science lessons from last year. I feel like my son doesn’t get enough attention. I never read him books and I haven’t even started potty training. I feel like I should be looking towards next year and I need to get braces for the oldest before she goes into High School. But all I want to do is breathe.

We had an unexpected house guest show up and stay for about 3 weeks. And it just threw off everything in the house. Things slipped and slide into the maybe later department.  And he is not very sociable guest and was kinda depressing. So I feel like it brought the whole house down.

Hubby has been working his butt off. Which is a blessing but I would love if he could spend a little bit of time with us.

In writing all this down I realize that I need to relax. I let little things in life bother me. I let what people say, do and think into my soul and let it eat away at me.

So what if my almost 3 year old isn’t potty trained! There is no law!

So what if I didn’t get to the last worksheet on birds? They learned a lot just ask them!

So what if my house is a mess and the yard isn’t cut? I live in the country its normal out here!

What I am enjoying is hearing my birds and frogs, the bright sunshine that fills the sky, the loud squeals of delight that fill my house at times and the smell of freshly brewed coffee in the morning.

And I need to live for me, my kids and my husband. These years are so precious. I know that and can’t understand why I am getting depressed about my kids being older instead of savoring every moment.

Maybe its in my DNA. I know that can’t be changed (Lord knows I have tried) but I can change who I am and want to be. And that is what I am going to start doing.

Our week in homeschooling~

/ Jeanette / Leave a comment

This week has been full of hands on activities. Which my kids have really enjoyed, I think I may continue it for our summer learning camp. We finished up our yearly testing a couple of weeks ago and are now just coasting through the last month of “real” school.

Science~

We are learning about Birds. This has been a very exciting lesson for my girls as we have set up a bird feeder area in our yard. This week we learned about bird wings by doing a dissection of a chicken wing. I just bought a pack of chicken wings from the meat department. The girls got to see all the muscles and tendons. They thought it was interesting to see how the joints worked. This was a favorite in the house. We also learned about the different types of nest and the girls had to try to create their own nest. Needless to say this was a messy activity and required showers afterwards.

History~ 

We are studying World History and have been learning about the Egyptians. Which we have also tied in with Geography and started learning about the country also. Last week we made a replica of the Nile River. We then filled it until the water overflowed to represent the flooding of the Nile. And this is what we got after a week.

We also learned about the types of writing the Egyptians used. The girls made a paper scroll with hieroglyphics on it and a clay tablet using cuneiform writing.

Little Man even had to get in on the fun!

These came out SOOOO good! Proud momma moment!

We also read about mummies and decided to start our 6 week project of making a mummified chicken. The kids really liked this idea.

This is a very lengthy and involved project but it was something we all really wanted to do.

This is day 2.

Extreme parenting~not for me!

/ Jeanette / Leave a comment

I just got done reading People Magazine from a couple weeks ago. Ya know the one with Princess Kate on it. And there was an article about Extreme Parenting. We are know celebrities are known for the crazy baby names, their drunk antics, their break ups, make ups and break up again stories. And I have to admit it’s a guilty pleasure of mine (Did ya hear Brad and Angie are engaged?!) But this article terrified me.

First there is the video that went viral of Alicia Silverstone bird feeding her 11 month old baby. She chews all the food up and then spits it in his mouth. Does she not realize that nothing leaves the internet? So one day when he is in middle school (AKA the brutal years) some bully is going to google his mom’s name and there will be the video.

Then the next celeb on the list was Mayim Blaynik. She is from the 90’s show Blossom. She is a firm believer in attachment parenting, which is great don’t get me wrong. She is still breast feeding her 3 year old! The first thing that came to mind while reading this was the movie Jaws as the shark comes out of the water with the mouthful of huge teeth. Except it’s coming right at my boobs! Let me explain my view… I love breastfeeding. It was the one thing I wish I did longer with Kodabear. But once the baby turns a year old that is my personal limit. But 3 yrs old! I can barely get my 2 1/2 year old to stay still long enough to change his diaper. Again though has she thought about the ridicule this boy will endure when people google his mom’s name!

Now this next one is the most disgusting in my opinion. January Jones stars on Mad Men, but I think it should be retitled as Mad Woman. After giving birth to her baby, she felt what all of us new moms feel tired, worn out, exhausted, emotionally drained. Us non-rich, non-celebs pull up our big girl panties and DEAL! But January (love her name!) decided to spend the extra money and get pills made from her dehydrated placenta! EWWWW! That thing was in me for 9 months trading nutrients for fetal poo! I don’t want to willing ingest it! I will stick to my 5hour energy drink or better yet coffee and soda!

My point is as parents we are our child’s nemesis when they hit about 12. We are uncool and stupid. We are also SOOOOOO embarrassing (with an eye roll). SO why, why, why on Earth would these celebrities put their child through more teasing and bullying.

By the way~ if I was a celebrity…

I would name my child Rose Moscato after my favorite wine, even if it was a boy! Take that Hollywood!

 

Becoming the parent I never had

/ Jeanette / Leave a comment

Is it in the genes to just grow up and be the same as your parents?

Is it inevitable that we will say and act the same way they did?

Is it an unbreakable cycle?

Growing up I never knew who my biological father was. I had these weird memories of some huge burly guy seeing me tear off the labels on my brand new food play set and asking if I was suppose to do that and then turning to go tell my paternal grandmother. I had this memory for 7 years before I finally met him. When I was 1 or 2 he decided that he didn’t want me. Drugs were more important. By the time I met him, he had remarried and they had a child together, a son, which is what he wanted all along. I was respectful to him as I had been taught to do. But I just couldn’t hug him and say Daddy! He was huge, well over 6 feet and well over 300 lbs. I was terrified of him. And I was angry and cautious. He left once why wouldn’t he do it again?

My mom needed to work to give me everything I had or so she said. So I lived at my maternal and paternal grandparents house, only seeing my mom twice a week. Almost like a custody agreement. 1 week here and 1 week there. But they were like best friends. If I wanted to go to see the other set it was no problem. We would all get together and go out to the beach, dolphin watches and to get ice cream. That’s how I remember family days; 2 grandpa’s and two grandma’s.

When I would see my mom, we would usually go out shopping since that was the only way she knew to show me her love was to buy me stuff. And then we would go out to eat. After it was back to my grandparent’s house. As long as I was quiet and sweet and innocent, then our visit went smoothly. But if I decided to be normal and act out, it was awful. I would get verbally abused for being stupid and making a simple mistake like spilling something. If I mouthed off I would get threatened to get beaten, one time it took my cocker spaniel getting between me and my mom with her fly swatter to get her to back off.

There is one thing I had for both my parents and it wasn’t admiration and love; it was fear! I was scared of my parents and their erratic and explosive tempers. So I always tried to be the peace maker.

Then it all changed!

I was 16 and pregnant long before it was cool to be on a reality show for it. And suddenly I had this precious little baby inside me that needed me to be strong. And her biological father was also physically and emotionally abusive to me.

And then I snapped! I left him behind never to see his child again (2 years later I was strong enough to fight him and win custody of our daughter and now he has signed over all rights to my husband).

While fighting for custody, my father decided to leave his new family. He walked away from his 15-year-old son and never saw him again. He eventually moved in with my grandparents and tried to explain to me and I said I didn’t want to be in the middle. I was to the point and short about everything I said to him. But then the day came that I couldn’t take it anymore. My grandfather, my father figure, just came home from the hospital after suffering a heart attack. My grandmother asked my father to take the garbage out. Yes he had to be told to do his chores! Well he mouthed off and I went insane. I knew I couldn’t fake how I feel any longer. So I told him exactly what a low life he was and he then came after me. But fear did not consume me and cause me to run, no years of being emotionally scarred and pissed off ignited this strength that allowed me to stand in my place watching him try to get around the rocking chair to get to me. What he was going to do exactly, no one knows, but I do know I brought back my fist ready for a fight and simply said bring it. Years later he would tell me I am acting like a little bitch just like my mom and I said Thank you as long as I am not like you. That was the last time I saw him.

My mom had ways of sucking you in. For years I was terrified of her and then I became a parent and she wanted to be my best friend. It worked out for a while. We were always doing things together: shopping, taking the kids here or there. But then she remarried and the mom I knew and never loved.  And her new hubby wasn’t much better. The day before my beloved Grandpa’s funeral this last year, I text my mom a simple question. She took it the wrong way, blew it out of proportion, made it all dramatic. The next thing I know her hubby is calling me and when I answer the phone for the drunk, he goes off on me about how my Grandpa didn’t deserve respect and that I need to grow up and quitting acting like a spoiled brat. Snap #3! I can’t repeat what was said on that phone that day. But I will say the story he has told to my mom’s side of the family is an outright lie. We haven’t spoken since and even when he saw me he couldn’t look me in the eye. For months my mom went on trying to pretend it is all ok. She had to call me and I never called her. She had to text me because I wouldn’t. I was desperately holding on to that relationship string I had tried my whole life to have with my mom. She has never said she loves me. Not the day I gave birth at 17 years old and not the day I got married. And I was so depressed for months until finally my oldest daughter said “Mom we don’t like seeing you like this.” And I said “your right. It’s not worth it.”

My mom has tried to apologize in her we were all wrong explanation. But I told her through the whole conversation I was not wrong and will not say I was. That is how that ended. We still talk about once a week and she comes over about once a month. Maybe if she needs something. Far less than what it use to be. And I am ok with that. My family life has been amazing since I got rid of the toxins. I lean on my hubby more, I cherish my kids more. I want to be the parent that gives my kids amazing memories. Not the disconnected kind that treats her kids like they are a burden or ruined her life. I promised my daughters that I would never do what my mom did to me. They are old enough that they witnessed and understood what happened. And they know that is never going to be an issue.

I also write this because the brother that my father walked away from just found out they are expecting and I wonder. Will the past come back to bite him? Is he doomed to make the same mistakes? And I can honestly say not if you don’t let it. Stand up and be strong! Fight for what you love and what you have! And fight to be the best parent and person you can be! I did and I have succeeded!

Special needs mom fighting for diagnosis

/ Jeanette / Leave a comment

I never wanted to be the mom of a special needs kid.  The idea and thought terrified me. Then I became very close with my cousin who one day just stop growing and no one knew why. He was like having a baby under the age of 1 for about 2-3 years. And I watched what my Aunt was going through and I definitely didn’t want it then. I had a perfectly healthy daughter and that was how I wanted all my kids. But then I met my husband.

I have a blended family. My oldest daughter and youngest daughter came from my husbands previous marriage. The mom got into some trouble and lost custody. The day I moved in, she quit coming around or calling much. Eventually she signed over her rights and I adopted the girls as my own. My middle and youngest daughter are only 5 months apart. But they are mentally and physically years apart. When I came into the picture Bri would talk but you couldn’t understand her at all. Only 3 words came out clearly. She was having a hard time potty training. Very small and petite in size compared to the other kids. It seemed like everything with Bri was on hyperspeed. And she was very impulsive and unaware of dangers.

We originally got the speech diagnosis and started her in an intense pre-k with tons of speech therapy. About 2 years later, we got the ADHD diagnosis. But within 6 months of being on meds, she turned violent and out of control. My little sweet petite girl could bust my lip, punch a hole in the wall and break a window all in one day. And yes she was only 6 or 7. From there we got the diagnosis of mood disorder. She has been on meds ever since. But I kept saying there was something more. That something wasn’t right. I homeschooled for a couple of years until her meds weren’t working and she became a danger to myself and the newborn in the house at the time. We decided that we needed a break and public school would give us that. But in school she was struggling. Inevitably getting in a fight because and I quote “the other girl wanted to”. She didn’t have any social common sense in my opinion. She will talk to you like dirt and treat you like dirt but the minute you do it to her; your labeled as mean and she runs to her room crying which then goes into a temper tantrum. She doesn’t understand right from wrong or just doesn’t care. I am not sure. She struggles in school with making friends and being on her grade level. No one has an answer, a solution and just keeps passing her along!

I have been to therapist that have suggest locking her in a closet to talking to her like she is a baby. I have been to neurologist, endocrinologist, psychiatrist, psychologist and had many IQ test done. But finally I might have a light at the end of the 9 year battle! It took the 5th psychiatrist to listen and say whoa, i think she might be this instead. But finally there is hope. And the scary part is I have suspected it all along.

Asperger’s!

I am really hoping this is the answer. I am exhausted and beginning to lose my drive. But I can’t quit; I know that. But it just sucks going on this journey.

I will say that with everything I picked up with my daughter and cousin, I have learned a lot. I can look at someone at the restaurant and say he is autistic or listen to a friend share her worries about her child and say sounds like a sensory issue.

But it still is hard…….